Monday, August 22, 2011

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~Found on a headstone in Ireland

Tuesday marks one year since Joe's dad has died. It seems unreal to think that we have lived a year of our lives without John. I can honestly say that there hasn't been a day in this past year that I haven't thought him.  Most of the thoughts make me smile first, which if you knew him fits perfectly.  Often after the smile disappears though, there is a deep sadness because he is gone.  It doesn't stay for long, but it is there.  Right now, that sadness is staying a little longer.

I have typed at least 10 different sentences where this sentence sits and have deleted every one of them.  There have been so many little moments that were unexpected this year and trying to sum them up feels nearly impossible.  But here is what I can put into words.  I have learned a lot of things this year.  And while I would have preferred to do some of this learning later in my life, I guess I need to try and be grateful that I have some of these lessons to take with me. (Some days I am less grateful than others and I really working on being grateful right now.)

So...what I have learned this year is that....

  • Everyone deserves a little grace and the benefit of the doubt.  That guy that cut you off in traffic, sure he could be a giant jerk, but he could also be racing somewhere to say goodbye to someone.  The cranky grocery clerk, sure she could just be a cranky old bat, or she could have been up all night taking care of a really sick kid.  My point is, you just don't know....so why chance it? It doesn't really cost you anything to allow for some grace in your everyday life and at some point you are going to need some yourself.  I am lucky to have the friends and family (and complete strangers at times) that have allowed me some of that grace myself.
  • People recall memories not stuff, so make memories.  There hasn't been a conversation in the last year that has revolved around the present John got Joe for his 10th birthday.  But there have been a lot of conversations around things like the way John sang to songs (usually with his own lyrics) or the camping trips that just Joe and his dad went on. Or about the time John and Joe jumped up and down on the rope bridge in Libby which probably cemented my fear of heights or what wicked awesome fried chicken he could make.  You get my point....   So, when asked by Taelin to come dance with her I put down whatever I am doing and (without sounding like a Lee Ann Womack song) I choose to dance.  The list that started this blog is very much about making memories and living my life.
  • It shouldn't be a secret that you love someone.  I don't come from a family that said "I love you" on a regular basis...or really at all.  I am not saying that I wasn't loved because I was, but it wasn't outwardly stated and at times when I was younger and even into (actually especially into) my 20's I kind of had to wonder.  So, it took some getting used to when Joe's family started to tell me they loved me even before we were engaged.  But I am so glad that they did.  I don't doubt for a second that John did love me and I know he knew that I loved him.  I don't take for granted what an incredible gift that is.  

While I would have liked to have many, many more years with John in our lives that's not the reality of our situation.  I have done a lot of  "cancer sucks" and "life just isn't fair" in this past year (and I am sure I will again).  Cancer does suck and life isn't fair...those things are true, don't get me wrong.  But Tuesday night, while I am sure there will be tears at some point, Joe and I will be watching Blazing Saddles (one of John favorite movies and quite possibly the most inappropriate movie ever) and eating fried chicken (although I doubt it will be as good as John's).

I love you and miss you very much John.
Jodie




Sunday, August 21, 2011

Pizza Sauce

Now that I have a homemade pizza dough that both Joe and I like, I turned my attention to pizza sauce.  If you have ever purchased pizza sauce you might have noticed how expensive it is for what it actually is.  It is tomato sauce with some spices, that's it.  But because they package it up as "pizza sauce" they somehow can charge more than is really fair.  So, I figured in my effort to be frugal in areas that I care to be, I would try my hand at making my own pizza sauce.

It shouldn't have come to any kind of surprise to me that there would be such a variety of pizza sauce recipes but, for some reason, it did.  There were so many different recipes....so I narrowed my search by looking for recipes that had as few ingredients as possible and recipes that wouldn't turn out sweet pizza sauce.  (Joe has a thing about tomato sauces being too sweet....)  I found one that you didn't even have to cook and fit my other criteria so I gave it a whirl.  I changed a couple of things, mainly the amount of oil, and I have to say it came out pretty good.


Ingredients

  • 1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
  • 1 1/2 cups water
  • 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil (the orginal recipe called for 1/3 cup...that kind of makes me gag)
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • salt to taste
  • ground black pepper to taste
  • 1/2 tablespoon dried oregano
  • 1/4 tablespoon dried basil

  • Mix together the tomato paste, water, and olive oil. Mix well. Add garlic, salt and pepper to taste, oregano, and basil. Mix well and let stand several hours to let flavors blend. No cooking necessary, just spread on dough.


It wasn't as thick as the pizza sauces you buy in the store, but Joe and I liked it.  If you wanted it thicker I suppose you could just use less water or cook it a little bit.  It made quite a lot and now have some in the freezer.  I should probably make the disclaimer that I don't like a lot of sauce on my pizza so it what I made might last me longer than it would last you.  We used this pizza dough and it was yummy!  I wouldn't be surprised if we end up making it once a month!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Venti's Cafe and Taphouse

It was that time again...Girl's Night Out and we were looking for something new.  We hadn't seen each other since before school ended and needed someplace with good drinks, good food, and a good atmosphere that would let us hang out for awhile and catch up.  Venti's had only been open a couple of weeks (if that) when we went and none of us had gone, but we decided to give it a try.  We will be back!

Parking isn't the greatest but we all managed to find spots nearby without too much trouble and all of our cars were there when we needed to leave.  We had about a 25 minute wait because it was so packed but it was worth the wait.  As we were waiting my friend Carrie and I kept eyeing the t.v. screen that was showing the 20-some beers they had on tap.

After we did get a table, 2 of us ordered mixed drinks (which were given two thumbs up), Carrie ordered a beer sampler which gave her the chance to try whichever 8 beers she wanted.  I ordered some kind of amber ale that was AMAZING!  Even though we had left all of our kids at home, we ordered some spicy tater tots (who doesn't like tater tots) and while catching up looked more closely at the menu.  The menu, while not as large as The Cheesecake Factory, had just about as much variety.

Two of us got the Chicken Thai Peanut wrap and while they both agreed it had good flavor (just enough spicy but not too spicy), they also agreed that there was too much rice inside the wrap.  I, along with one of the other ladies, ordered the chicken teriyaki burger. I thought it was really good and probably would have been even better had I actually gotten the Swiss cheese instead of asking for none.  (I was having beer and tots...I had to compromise somewhere).  I got a side salad with mine (another compromise) and my friend got sweet potato fries and we both liked what we had. The fifth of our group ordered the a steak flatbread sandwich which was also given a thumbs up in the middle of a bite.  I am sure dessert would have been good had we gotten that far, but we were all so stuffed from our drinks and dinner there wasn't any room. 


The service was good and the atmosphere was exactly what we wanted.  It wasn't quiet at all, which was good because we aren't very quiet group.  It would easily be a place Joe, Taelin and I could go, although we might have to go at an off time because wait time and toddlers don't go well.  I can definitely see Venti's being thrown in the regular rotation for Girl's Night Out.  Good drinks...check.  Good food....check.  Good atmosphere....check.  Night out with awesome friends....check!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Red Enchilada Sauce


One of the things I am doing when trying to figure out which new recipes to try is to think of foods that I love when I go out or foods that I depend on that are processed somehow.  By making them myself, I can hopefully make them with fresher, more healthy ingredients and save money by not eat out at restaurants.  This is how my quest for making a red enchilada sauce came about.

My first attempt was a horrible disaster.  I was most upset about the ounce of semi-sweet chocolate that went into the recipe that was wasted when I had to throw out the whole pot of sauce.  To console myself, I ate the other three ounces; that helped a little.

Since I had all the other ingredients ready to go for shredded beef enchiladas, I had to find another recipe to try with the stuff I had on hand (which was no longer chocolate as I ate it).  Thankfully, the second attempt was much better!

Ingredients

2 tablespoons canola oil
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 cups water
1/4 cup tomato sauce
salt to taste
garlic powder to taste

Directions

1. Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the flour and cook for 1 minute, then add the chili powder and cook for 1 more minute.
2. Gradually stir in the water, mixing well with a whisk to make sure you get out all the lumps, then stir in the tomato sauce and season with salt and garlic powder to taste.
3. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes.


It was pretty good sauce and something that I will for sure make a double or triple batch at a time and put in the freezer for convenience sake. The recipe made enough for me to for the 6 enchiladas I made for both dipping the corn tortilla in the sauce before stuffing it and to pour over the top before putting cheese on and throwing in the oven.  I will be making this again soon!  

Salem Harvest...a great organization doing great things!!!


We are lucky to live in a such a beautiful state with so many wonderful opportunities for finding fresh, local produce.  Taelin and I have picked strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries this summer and after eating our fill, have frozen the rest to use throughout the year.  Fall will soon be here soon enough and apple trees will be drooping with their juicy fruit which means apple cider doughnuts and pie...and homemade applesauce.  But I will admit that every year since living here, I have noticed when driving past orchards on the way to pick up pumpkins that there were hundreds of apples just rotting away and thought about what a waste it was.

Well, I obviously wasn't the only one who noticed and luckily there are people with more imagination that I have.  I was at yoga awhile ago and the yoga instructor asked if there was anything going on in the community that anyone wanted to share.  Another participant spoke up and shared that Salem Harvest was picking cherries that week.  Many of us weren't familiar with Salem Harvest and she explained more about this non-profit organization.  If you want to get the whole story go here and read more about them.

Salem Harvest is an all-volunteer community harvesting organization that was formed in January 2010 as a project of Friends of Salem Saturday Market.  The coordinators connect people in the community to fresh fruits and vegetables growing both on farms and in backyards which would otherwise go to waste.  You can sign up for a "harvest", as they call it, and you are responsible for bringing any tools you might need (ladders, buckets, etc.). You can harvest as much produce as you can during the time and half of what you harvest you keep for yourself and the other half is donated to the Marion-Polk Food Share.

So basically, for a little bit of your time and effort you can get free, local produce for your family while helping provide produce to families in need...all using food that otherwise would just go to waste for a variety of reasons.  It is a win-win situation.

Joe, Taelin and I signed up for a cherry harvest a couple of weeks ago.  It was easy to sign up and I have to give kudos to the organizers...not a detail was forgotten.  Everyone was super friendly and highly organized.  In 40 minutes, we had harvested 14 pounds of cherries, 7 of which got to keep for ourselves.  We actually left a little more than half because Taelin helped herself to a few cherries before we left...as you can tell from this...



I wish I had taken more pictures of us actually picking the cherries, but we were so busy picking I didn't think even think of until we were leaving.

We have only done this one harvest and I am hooked!  I am so looking forward to upcoming harvests.  You never know when one is going to be scheduled or what it is going to be, but that kind of adds even more excitement!!! If you are interested in finding out more about this organization or how you might get involved please visit Salem Harvest. It is all for a good cause...feeding families.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Girl Who Played with Fire AND The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest By Stieg Larsson

I have spent every free minute in the last few days reading these two books.  I have stayed up WAY too late and read while cooking supper and drying my hair. (Just for the record, I did not read and cook dinner and dry my hair all at the same time.)  These books are the second and third book in the trilogy by Stieg Larsson.  I read and reviewed the first book here and after reading The Book Thief I thought I would go back and finish this short series.

It too me a long time to get into the second book....like 250 pages long time.  I almost abandoned it, especially when Joe asked me if I got hit by a bus tomorrow would there have been other books I wish I would have read, but I felt guilty because I had purchased both of the books for my Nook and hate to waste money.  I pushed on through and I am glad I did.  

I learned something about my preferences as a reader when reading these two books.  I am a reader that is driven by characters, which is something I knew.  If the character's story is driving the book I am much more apt to enjoy it.  What I found out while reading these books is that I also need dialogue.  Without it, the chances of me getting bored with a book are pretty high.

Larsson has woven an intricate story with a lot of characters.  One of my friends mentioned she almost decided to take notes just to keep everyone straight and I completely see why.  Because he has so many characters he wrote a lot of background for most of the characters...for me, it was way too much background.  I will be honest that I started to skim some of the pages that I could tell were just background.  It just wasn't that interesting to me.  But when the dialogue was driving the story, I couldn't get through it fast enough.

Before anyone gets the impression that I didn't like the books, I guess I should say that I did like them.  I gave them both a solid 3 stars on www.goodreads.com.  

As for what's next in my reading world, I am not sure.  I have quite a bit to choose from....decisions, decisions.  

"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." — Gilda Radner

I have been thinking a lot about change in the last couple of weeks.  I was asked to come spend the morning with a group of educator's participating in the Summer Institute of the Oregon Writer's Project.  The task given to me was to share some of my experiences supporting teachers as they explore ways to improve their teaching of writing.  I was only given 45 minutes which is barely enough time to even get started, so as I was looking at my mess of a brainstorm a theme started to emerge. That theme...change.

The 45 minutes came and went quicker than any of us would have liked.  I raced home to relieve my dear friend that had willingly watched Taelin while I was gone and for the most part, my morning's discussion faded into the background of my day.  

But for some reason, change has been on my mind since.  There are some changes that we actively seek out in our life.  Among these could be big changes such as a marriage, a death in the family, a career move, or the decision to have a child.  Then there are those changes that are smaller in scale like parking further away so you can walk more or switching from 2% milk to 1%.  

Those small changes usually are things we have control over.  They are usually decided by us for a specific reason.  Maybe that is part of the reason I would consider some of them small.  I suppose we decide them because we want something to be different than it is (change) and we go about adjusting to our decision.  Most of the time this kind of change is fairly painless.  Unfortunately, this is not the kind of change that has had my attention lately.

My thoughts have been more around those big changes.  First, I suppose it is important to think about how these changes come about.  Not too unlike those small changes, often times the big changes in our life are a result of a conscious decision on our part.  For instance, I don't know too many people that haven't gotten married on purpose. Many times, people decide to have a child or buy a house or get a new job.  Again, when these changes come about there is a time of adjustment that is necessary but most of the time the issues that arise can be thought up ahead of time and expected.  I realize that isn't always true, but most of the time it is.  

But what about those times that the change isn't chosen by us?  Joe certainly didn't ask for his dad to die and that has changed our lives forever.  I have more friends than I care to think about all at once that have lost the jobs they love, and they certainly didn't ask for that to happen either.  But even though those changes weren't asked for, they are the reality. These kind of changes I think are a lot more difficult to manage.  They are out of our control and most of the time not what we have planned out in our "perfect ending".

This then leads me to my next thought of how we handle the change in our life...big or small, expected or not. Because it is always easier to think about others and their change than the change in our own lives, my thoughts have been with the people in my life .  Here are some things I have noticed...

1. Big unwanted change understandably breeds fear or anger (or a varying combination of them both).  
2. Sometimes even though our head knows one thing, our heart feels something entirely different.  
3. Life is not fair...and that sucks.

I think about my friends that are facing a much different fall than they expected and wonder how they will do with the change in their life.  They will each have their own way of managing that change.  Is there a "right" way to do it?  Probably not. I think about how my own family has dealt with the change in our lives since John's death...not much is the same. There are probably some not-so-great ways to manage the change in our life, and that probably isn't the same from person to person either.  I am in awe of my family and friends as they change through the tears and the pain to make the best of what is out of their control.

I would hope that for myself, that I can think about not only the catalyst and the result of the changes in my life, but all those in between moments too. I don't know if I will ever reach the place where I can hope for "Delicious Ambiguity" in my life...I might be little too type A for that.  I hope as I navigate each change in my life, that I learn from the last one how to do it with even a little more grace and flexibilitythan the time before.  I can hope that my daughter, my husband and my friends can think of me as someone that does make the best of things even when they don't turn out their way.  One thing I know for sure....in my lifetime I will certainly have enough opportunity, I suppose it just lands on me to take advantage of it.

Monday, August 8, 2011

A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked. -Author Unknown

Within the last couple of months, I have found myself playing a lot of peek-a-boo, pretending to eat a lot of plastic food, watching more than my fair share of Dora the Explorer, and rereading Brown Bear, Brown Bear.  And while Taelin can make a mean pot of pretend soup and I haven't yet figured out why Eric Carle made the horse blue and the cat purple, spending the majority of my days with Taelin has started to wear.  I am just not built for this whole stay-at-home thing on a full time basis.

***disclaimer***  I love my daughter more than my own life.  I am lucky to have her and I can't imagine my life without her.  I am thankful everyday, even on the hard days that I am her mom.  ***end disclaimer***

Luckily, in addition to having Joe and Taelin in my life, I also have some pretty incredible friends.  Friends that I would love to spend more time with but are so understanding that it is just not the season in my life where I can have long talks over a beer without looking at the time. They are the friends that are willing to walk with me even though they could probably run laps around me as I huff and puff up the hill.  They are the friends that know that I am a constant worrier and call me to reassure me even though they already did it in a text.  They are the friends that make me better by their friendship.  They are the friends that forgive me of all my weaknesses and champion my strengths.  They are awesome.

I am not sure why I have been thinking about all of this more in the last couple of months because I have always been lucky to have great friends in my life (granted some times in my life I have been a little luckier than others).  There have just been so many little moments lately have have shown me the true friendships I have.  There were a lot of quotes out there that talk about friendship, but honestly this one really summed it up the best AND it made me giggle.  There are a lot of things about me that make me half-cracked, I suppose that is true for all of us, but I am glad that I have people in my life that can see that I really am a good egg...even on the days I can't see it myself.