Begin doing what you want to do now. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake. ~Marie Ray

This last Monday, the 25th, was the 1001st day since beginning my 101 list.  My second list of 101 things is made and will be shared with you all soon enough.  I originally planned on writing this post outlining the things that didn't get done on my first list and give the reasons I didn't get them done.  But then, something Taelin did shifted my thinking about what I needed to write.

We were on our way to preschool/work Tuesday and I was trying to gather all the things we needed to take with us; blanket and sheet for rest time, lunch for her, lunch for me, phone/wallet/keys/workbag, etc, etc.  With Tucker safely in the garage and the front door open, I tried one-handed to get Taelin's coat on her as I nudged her towards the car.  On our way down the sidewalk she suddenly stopped, gasped and exclaimed with a voice of wonder, "Wait!  Look at that incredibly beautiful sunrise Mama!"

I had noticed the sunrise about 15 minutes earlier as I was making our lunches and Taelin was brushing her hair and teeth.  At that point, it was a beautiful combination of pink and blue and I had stopped for a moment.  I hadn't really thought anything of stopping to notice it.  Until, Taelin did on our way to the car.

After we stopped together and noticed the colors we saw and how strange it was that it was cold enough to see our breath but still have the sun shining (clearly an Oregon girl and used to cold = cloudy/rainy), we got in the car and in just a few minutes arrived at her school.

It was on the continued drive to work that I realized what this post needed to be about.

When I started this list, 1003 days ago now, there was a blanket of grief covering our lives.  We had "made it" through the first holiday season without John.  His absence was felt every single day by the pictures hanging in our home, the songs coming through our speakers and the stories we wished we could share with him about Taelin. Man, he adored her. There hadn't been a day that I hadn't cried. A piece of Joe was missing.  We were going through the motions of living, but we weren't living.  There was no stopping to notice sunrises. It was like we had stopped, not knowing how to go on...not wanting to go on without him.

But something in me knew we needed to.  Taelin had just turned two.  We needed to go on...without him.  So inspired by my brother-in-law and his own list, I made this list and filled it with things I knew I loved to do and things I wanted to do with Taelin.  I filled it things that scared me but wanted to try and with places to go.  I filled it with things to do for others and things I hoped would help us really live again.

And now here I am.  Not missing John any less really.  My trip to Boston last week punctuated that.  I wasn't expecting to tear up when I arrived at the airport and thought of the last time I had arrived at the same airport the day after he died.  I wasn't expecting to tear up on the trolley tour I took as I listened to the guide that said "horse" the same as John did. We still hear songs that make us think of him and wish that Taelin and her Papa would have had more time.  No, we don't miss him any less but we did keeping going.

I got 82 of my 101 things done.  There are many things I did in the spirit of the list, in the spirit of living, too many to remember really.  And I celebrated the last day of my list thinking about my great life; my daughter, my husband, my family, my friends, my career, books, music, writing, impromptu dance parties and sunrises.

On this eve of Thanksgiving, I am grateful for all those things and for this list... this list that lifted the blanket of grief and helped us remember to live. The list that helped us to wait and notice the sunrises.

Photo of the Day Nov 17-27

Family time at home, an amazing conference and learning and some funny little moments make up these last few days.  On this eve of Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for my life; my husband, my daughter, our little family, my friends, my passion for learning and teaching and everything else that makes me, me. 

nov 17, 2013
we are definitely in blanket weather...love these two

nov 18, 2013
everyday we add a feather to share what we are thankful for
this one is my favorite so far

nov 19, 2013
turkey referred to in above picture designed by Taelin
(the black on the top is a pirate hat and the little
scribble on the bottom left is a mole.  the story
of why the eyes are the way they are is hilarious too.)

nov 20, 2013
flew to Boston for NCTE Annual Convention

nov 21, 2013
had the morning for site seeing and we spend some time
at the Boston Tea Party museum.  super fun!
Huzzah!

nov 22, 2013
some of the things I got on the first day....there is no
actual evidence that this pile grew throughout the weekend.

nov 23, 2013
a grumpy girl when she finds out on Skype that I am actually gone another night

nov 24, 2013
waiting for me at home

nov 25, 2013
after learning that you sometimes take a bottle of wine to a party you are invited
 to and finding out that her cousin doesn't like juice boxes
(which was her idea to take like the bottle of wine)
Taelin settled on picking these out for her and her cousin because
 "since we can't get a drink then let's get something that we can put our favorite drink in!"

nov 26, 2013
november rose 

nov 27, 2013
an extra passenger...safety first of course

Movies! Movies! Movies!

I had a couple of different different movie challenges on my list.  The one that was the most fun completing was watching a new movie for each letter of the alphabet.  Some were definitely better than others, but I watched some movies that I don't think I would have otherwise would have watched!

A=Avengers

B=Big Trouble in Little China

C=Captain America

D= Dark Shadow

E=Eat, Pray, Love

F= Fearless

G=The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

H=Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

I= Inglorious Basterds

J=Jumper

K=Kick Ass

L= Looper

M= Men in Black 3

N= The Nightmare Before Christmas

O= Oz: The Great and Powerful

P=Prometheus

Q= Quartet

R= Rise of the Guardians

S=Sherlock Holmes

T=True Grit

U= Unbreakable

V=The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (Narina)

W=We Need to Talk About Kevin

X=X-men First Class

Y= Youth in Revolt

Z=Zac and Miri Make a Porno

I also said that I was going to make a Top 10 list of my favorites...  I will not apologize in anyway for any of these choices.  They are movies that I could (and have) watch over and over and over again.

10. Zoolander

9. Top Gun

8. Ocean's 11

7. A Few Good Men

6. The Wedding Singer

5. Good Will Hunting

4. Legends of the Fall

3. Little Miss Sunshine

2. Harry Potter series

1. High Fidelity

Photo A Day Nov 1-16

We only have a month and a half until the end of 2013!  It is incredible to think about how quickly this year has gone.  I am so grateful to have such a record of our year so far and while I almost gave up last month because I was feeling so far behind in organizing it was thinking of not completing it that kept me going.  

So...here are the pictures from the first part of November.

nov 1, 2013
a day trip to visit Nana

nov 2, 2013
she loves her shaving cream baths

nov 3, 2013

nov 4, 2013

nov 5, 2013
collecting pine cones for painting

nov 6, 2013
the obligatory school picture

nov 7, 2013

nov 8, 2013

nov 9, 2013

nov 10, 2013

nov 11, 2013
ChaCha and Taelin at the Portland Children's Museum

nov 12, 2013
Taelin has taken to wanting to "play" school so we write out what she
wants to do and then check it off.  She is just a little like me.

nov 13, 2013

nov 14, 2013
I love this magazine, but especially the December issue

nov 15, 2013

nov 16, 2013
birthday party at Super Bounce
there is little else I have found that is quite as awkward as a
 preschool birthday party where you know no one but your kid

Photo A Day Oct 11-31

YIKES!  Over a month behind posting these...  Taelin is enjoying Snow White and the Seven Drawfs as I try to catch myself up on photo organizing.  Waiting this long ends up in it being quite a project.

Anyway...here are the rest of the pictures from October.  I am going to admit that a couple of times, I had to borrow a photo from another day but it just how life goes!

Oct 11, 2013

oct 12, 2013
obligatory pumpkin patch photo

oct 13, 2013

oct 14, 2013

oct 15, 2013

oct 16, 2013
Happy 12th Anniversary to Joe and I!

oct 18, 2013
a weekend in Newport with friends!

oct 19, 2013
don't let this crazy girl fool you, it was cold
she is built like her father

oct 20, 2013

oct 21, 2013
she loves painting pumpkins far more than carving them

oct 22, 2013
AWESOME concert...Macklemore!

oct 23, 2013
awesome concert that didn't get us home until 1 a.m. with
 the alarm going off 5 hours later
Starbucks was necessary

oct 24, 2013

oct 25, 2013

oct 26, 2013

oct 27, 2013
Halloween countdown

oct 28, 2013
we don't have leaves at our house so we went to the park with a rake 

oct 29, 2013
at the field at the end of the street

oct 30, 2013
Taelin's haul from Halloween
(clearly a borrowed day)

oct 31, 2013
Izzy from Jake and the Neverland Pirates
She is convinced here that Captain Hook is in the bushes
 trying to steal her pixie dust

Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Here is the complete list of the 101 quotes that inspire me.  I wrote to most of these quotes and when I reread them, I can remember what the post was about.  It is such an interesting journal of the last almost 1001 days.  

1. Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness. ~Seneca
2. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson 
3. Resentment is one burden that is incompatible with your success. ~Dan Zadra
4. Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
5. Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. ~Henry Ward Beecher
6. Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~Scott Adams
7. The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. ~Author Unknown
8. Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
9. Teachers who inspire realize there will always be rocks in the road ahead of us. They will be stumbling blocks or stepping stones; it all depends on how we use them. ~Author Unknown
10. Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water. ~Antoine Rivarol
11. In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer
12. A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked. ~Author Unknown
13. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. ~Gilda Radner
14. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~Found on a headstone in Ireland
15. Don't let your dreams go up in smoke - practice fire safety. ~Author Unknown
16. Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
17. ...and when you exhale, release the thoughts and feelings that do not serve you... ~My yoga instructor
18. The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start. ~John Bingham
19. I want to do it by myself. ~Taelin Crowe
20. Everyday might not be good, but there is good in every day. ~Author Unknown
21. Why not learn to enjoy the little things-there are so many of them. ~Author Unknown
22. I have learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. ~Maya Angelou
23. May you live in interesting times. ~Chinese Proverb
24. Words have weight. Stephen King
25. Life is a long process of getting tired. ~Samuel Butler
26. Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. ~Peg Bracken
27. The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart. ~Julien Green
28. Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston Churchill
29. Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. ~unknown
30. The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann
31. Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture. ~Kak Sri
32. So many books, so little time. ~Frank Zappa
33. A child, like your stomach, doesn't need all you can afford to give it. ~Frank A. Clark
34. Action expresses priorities. ~Gandhi
35. Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt
36. Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. ~Buddha
37. There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world. ~Mary Anne Radmacher
38. Learn to be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel
39. Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor. ~Thich Nhat Hanh
40. You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jones
41. Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the time to soak up a little peace and serenity. ~Lindley Karstens
42. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Unknown
43. We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder
44. Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf. ~Jonatan Mårtensson
45. There is a choice you make in everything you do. In the end, the choice you make, makes you. ~Author Unknown
46. Life is the sum of all your choices. ~Albert Camus
47. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott
48. The home should be the treasure chest of living. ~Le Corbusier
49. Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold. ~Judith Olney
50. You learn something every day if you pay attention. ~Ray LeBlond
51. Life is a combination of magic and pasta. ~Federico Fellini
52. A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. ~Author Unknown
53. What counts can't always be counted; what can be counted doesn't always count. ~Albert Einstein
54. There are years that ask questions and years that answer. ~Zora Neale Hurston
55. At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. ~Lao Tzu
56. Music is an outburst of the soul. ~Frederick Delius
57. Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability. ~Joe Brown
58. The way to get good ideas is to get lots of ideas, and throw the bad ones away. ~Linus Pauling
59. Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. ~Charles F. Kettering
60. Opportunity is one of those things that depend greatly on the eye of the beholder. ~Andrew Sanchez
61. A good snapshot stops a moment from running away. ~Eudora Welty
62. Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu
63. It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts. ~K.T. Jong
64. Time is an old firmly rooted tree; we are the breeze rustling its leaves. ~Terri Guillemets
65. Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance - each beautiful, unique and too soon gone. ~Deborah Whipp
66. The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. ~Joe Houldsworth
67. People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. ~Faith Resnick
68. Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul. ~William Hazlitt
69. I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection. ~Emily Ley
70. How you climb up a mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. And so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one gigantic test followed by one gigantic lesson. In the end, it all comes down to one word. Grace. 
71. It's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.
72. Kids believe in Santa; adults believe in childhood. ~Cate Kennedy
73. I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends. ~Nancie J. Carmody
74. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~Maya Angelou
75. Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. ~Joseph Addison
76. Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back. ~Arthur Rubenstein
77. Smile, breathe and go slowly. ~Thich Nhat Hanh
78. Human life is purely a matter of deciding what's important to you. ~Anonymous
79. If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown
80. Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth
81. As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way. ~Mary Anne Radmacher
82. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. ~Jennifer Yane
83. Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink the wild air. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
84. Though she be but little, she is fierce. ~William Shakespeare
85. To poke a wood fire is more solid enjoyment than almost anything else in the world. ~Charles Dudley Warner
86. Be selective in your battles, sometimes peace is better than being right. ~unknown
87. The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway. ~Henry Boye
88. You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce. ~Tony Gaskins
89. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because you character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. ~John Wooden
90. Storms make trees take deeper roots. ~Dolly Parton
91. At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. ~Lao Tzu
92. A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything. ~Irish proverb
93. To invent your own life's meaning is not easy...but it's still allowed...and I think you'll be happier for the trouble. ~Bill Watterson
94. Laughter is the fireworks of the soul. ~Josh Billings
95. Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters. ~Margaret Peters
96. Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. ~Arthur Ashe
97. Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom
98. She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails. ~Elizabeth Edwards
99. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain. ~Vivian Greene
100. Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. ~ Maya Angelou
101. Words-so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

To invent your own life's meaning is not easy...but it's still allowed...and I think you'll be happier for the trouble. ~Bill Watterson.

You probably will have to click the link below this cartoon to actually read it, but it is worth it.  Joe found this and shared it with me.  There is a reason he did and I am still formulating a lot of my thoughts around it, but I think it is safe to say that I am in the "trouble" part of this quote.  I am not sure where it will lead...  

http://www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/blogs/browbeat/2013/08/27/watterson_advice_large.jpg

16 days and counting!

Yikes!!!  I only have 16 days left in my 1001 days.  I meant to do this post awhile ago to take stock and see what was left, but, well, I didn't.  So I am here now, looking at what's left and what is realistic to get done!

Right now, I have 75% of my list complete.  (My brain says, "Crap!  That's a C, Jodie!)  But I am choosing to say out loud..."Yay me!"  Here is what is still missing...  (The bold ones are the ones I think I can/or want to still get done.)

• Kayak in Hawaii (It was a nice idea...but unless I win the lottery in the next 16 days, not going to happen!)
• Write a love letter to my husband (not feeling like I need to...he knows exactly how I feel everyday)
• Write a list of 50 things I like about myself  (I am not looking forward to this one but not going to count it out yet)
• Make a list of all family and friend birthday and anniversaries (that's what Facebook is for)
• Complete a coloring book 
• Get to my goal weight (yeah...not going to happen)
• Go to a wine tasting
• Take a cake decorating class
• Make a list of my 50 favorite songs
• Make a font out my handwriting
• Go skiing again
• Go to a movie by myself
• List my top 10 movies
• Scrapbook an album of John for Taelin
• Play and finish a game of Monopoly with Joe without cheating (This is in the plan for this weekend...and if I actually do it there is sure to be a story.)
• Play bingo
• Complete the 100 Snapshots Challenge
• Renew my passport (I looked into doing this...and it would be more money than I want to spend right now.  If we end up wanted to go somewhere we need them...then I will do it.)
• Redo the bedroom: paint, new furniture, new bedding (No new furniture...we went to Disneyland instead.)  
• Write a letter to Taelin about how Joe and I met
• Walk a cancer walk in memory of John
• Write a fan letter
• Finish a wordfind book
• Maintain my goal weight
• Finish writing another 101 things list by the end of 1001 days (any suggestions?)
• Celebrate Day 1001!

If I get the ones that are in bold done, that will put me at 81%. And, I can live with that.  There is really only one (two really) that I am disappointed about.  I do think that at some point, I will need to make a different list..of all the things that I did in the spirit of the list and I have a feeling if I do that I will find myself well over 101 items.  But until November 25th, I will keep my focus on finishing the current list and see how far I get!