Time for some gratitude...

I was really cranky yesterday afternoon.  I had a huge list of things I needed to get done, most of it cleaning around the house.  Taelin is exerting more independence every day, which is leading to a frustrated little girl when she can't do something she thinks she should be able to.  It was cloudy, again, instead of sunshiny.  I am starting to get excited and anxious about my trip to Montana and I had tripped on the damn step stool for the third time that day. Just as I tripped on my way to look at the list of cleaning I wanted to get done, I heard a cry from Taelin's bedroom a good hour before she should have even thought about waking up.  More cranky still....

And then I stopped.  I took a breath and then told myself to make a choice.  I could continue down this road of cranky, which just leads to more cranky for me and eventually those around me.  Or, I could stop, take moment and look at things differently.  

How lucky am I that I have a daughter that is growing and healthy?  One who feels safe enough in her environment to take risks and learn new things?  How lucky am I that I have a daughter at all?  

How lucky am I that I have a house to clean?  How lucky am I that I am home this summer, getting a chance to get caught up on all the things that were left behind this spring?  

The answer is that I am very lucky.  And grateful.  So incredibly grateful.  It is a shame that it is so easy to forget all I have.  Maybe not forget, but take for granted.  So here, in no particular order, are 10 things I am grateful for this week.

1.  Taelin: No matter how frustrated I can be with her, there is nothing in my life I am more thankful for.  This time seems to be going so incredibly fast it makes me sad to think about.  I need to leave the list of "to-do's" and live in these moments.  They are flying by.

2.  Joe: He is my best friend and knows me better than anyone else...and he sticks around, on purpose.

3. The weather:  No really...even though I would love some sunshine, my house hasn't flooded or been ripped apart by a tornado. A cloudy day...at least I won't get sunburned.

4. My friends:  I have some pretty amazing friends.  They laugh at my jokes, listen to my stories, give me advice, and just take me as I am.  

5. My bed: No seriously.  I love my bed.  It is a pillow-top and I still have my down-comforter on which is counter-acted with the ceiling fan running.  Joe got me new down pillows for Christmas that are amazing. I love my bed and I love sleeping in it.  I think I will take nap tomorrow afternoon.

6.  My job: I just heard the other day, officially, that I get to mentor again next year.  There were definitely challenges this past year, but I love the job and the flexibility it brings to my family.  I am excited for August to come and am more aware this year than ever how lucky I am to have a place to go back to.

7. Iced Unsweetened Green Tea: I am trying to eliminate diet soda and it would be impossible without my iced green tea.  My favorite is from Starbucks, but I can make a mean glass of tea at home too.

8. My list of 101 things to do in 1001 days: It is because of my list that I was able to stop myself on Wednesday and quit being so cranky.

9. My weight loss: I have accomplished so much in this area.  I am really proud of the steps I have taken to be healthier. I am grateful that I have the tools available to support me as I continue.

10. My home: It isn't the newest house and it probably isn't decorated the best, but it shelters us (and my really comfortable bed..which I am off to go see very shortly)

So there you have it....I will be cranky again.  You can count on it.  I don't trust people that are NEVER cranky.  The key, I think at least for me, is whether or not I can change it.  Yesterday, I proved I could.  

Cheesy Orzo with Basil (otherwise known as pasta crack)

Last week I got a beautiful fresh basil plant that filled up my kitchen with it's sweet smell in no time flat.  The leaves on the plant are huge and just looking at it makes me want to cook.  My problem, I haven't used fresh herbs all that much in my cooking.  Solution, find some new recipes.

I found this recipe on www.allrecipes.com but made quite a few changes to it..mostly in order to lower the fat content.  It uses orzo which is not a pasta I use often (probably because it is not one of Joe's favorite) and doesn't actually have that many ingredients.  When I am looking for new recipes, it isn't a requirement that they only have a few ingredients, but it is certainly a plus.  Recipes with fewer ingredients have fewer steps which makes it more likely that I will actually have time to make it.

I LOVED this pasta!! (hence, my above reference comparing it to crack)  It was kind of creamy like macaroni and cheese, but didn't taste like it came out of a blue box.  (disclaimer...I like mac and cheese out of a blue box, it just isn't so good for me...and it wouldn't be something I would serve anyone but Joe).  Speaking of Joe...he didn't think it was bad, but he didn't think it was great.  And I quote, "I wouldn't ask for it, but I would eat it if you served it."  Well, I will be serving it and if he decides for some reason not to eat it that just means more for me!!!

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 cup uncooked orzo pasta
• 1 can fat-free chicken broth
• 1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil

Directions

1. Heat olive oil in pot over medium-high heat. Stir in orzo and saute until lightly browned.
2. Stir in chicken stock and bring to boil. Cover and reduce heat. Simmer until orzo is tender and liquid is absorbed, about 15 minutes.
3. Mix in parmesan cheese and basil.

Yeah, it was that easy...and it was amazing.  

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

When I first went into teaching I thought I would love every minute of it.  I remember sitting in experienced teacher's classrooms to accrue observation hours and wonder how in the world they could be so "mean" to their students.  I sat there judging those teacher's action, sure as I had ever been sure of anything, that those teachers were doing irreparable harm to the children in their class.  And what those teachers talked about in the staff room at lunch time?  Unbelievable!!!  I couldn't wait until I could finally get my own classroom and give those students someone that would love them unconditionally while having the most awesome, not-from-the-textbook lessons ever.

Then, I started teaching, for real.  I did okay my first couple years because I was high on getting a job.  I loved the kids. I loved getting there at 7 a.m. and not leaving until 6 p.m. because I was dedicated.  I loved working on Sunday and grading papers every night.  I really did.  I loved it.  But then a class came along that taught me what it really meant to be a teacher.  They challenged me every second of every single day.  I cried for hours the night before I had to return from Christmas break, convinced I would never make it until the end of the year.

And if that weren't enough, the Lutheran guilt machine I was raised with, kicked into high gear.  I had turned into that teacher.  The teacher that I said I would NEVER be...and I only lasted two years.  I felt like a horrible person.  (Just for the record, I would really like to go slap some sense into my former self...)

Now when I think back to that year, I smile.  I smile because that was the year I really learned how to be a teacher.  There were a lot of contributing factors, but the biggest support I had that year (and in years since) was another teacher at the school.  It wasn't like she exactly sought me out...we were brought together by a student that was by far my biggest challenge.  When I tried everything I knew how to do (which wasn't much mind you), this teacher was the one that listened when I need to vent, asked me questions to get me thinking, and offered advice and ideas when the last thing I tried didn't work.  She taught me, for real, how to see the strengths in someone that causes you to pull your hair out and drink excessively.

I made it through that school year and had never been so happy in my life.  I was ready for summer.  On the last day of school I was crying but it had nothing to do with missing kids or saying goodbye.  I was crying because I had made it.  And not surprising, that teacher was there again with a tissue and a hug.

I am lucky to say that teacher has become a friend.  A friend that has been with me through some of the hardest years of my life.  People looking at us might think we are an unlikely pair.  Some have assuming we are mother and daughter.  Don't I wish....

My friend has just retired after 39 years of teaching.  I am amazing and inspired by that number.  She amazes and inspires me every time I am with her.  It came to no surprise to me that she was not going to let us celebrate her retirement with a big party.  No money was to be spent on gifts.  So....I wrote her a letter.  A letter to tell her that she was the person that inspires me.  The person that rekindled my inner fire (and does so  all the time.)

And with that, #6 is complete.

World Beat 2011

Number 88 on my list was to take Taelin to a music performance at the World Beat festival here in Salem.  The festival is always the last weekend in June and is a celebration of different cultures around the world. It is a great chance to become exposed to a variety of foods, music, dance, and traditions of different people.  Taelin has loved music and dancing (or her version of dancing) since she was able to stand up supporting herself.  I thought the music and dancing would be right up her alley.

Last year when we took Taelin it was bloody hot and she was CRANKY. My sister and Charlie were visiting from Montana and I think Joe and I stayed long enough to realize that the three of us were miserable and we left Lorie and Charlie to do the celebrating for us that year.  So, when building my list, I decided to add going back and trying again.

The trip this year was much more successful.  First of all, the weather was perfect.  It was sunny but not super hot.  That made a huge difference.  Second, and probably more important, Taelin is a year older.  We went after her nap on Saturday so she was fresh and ready to go.

She was a little too fearless as we were walking past the various tents that were set up.  If you would have taken my blood pressure, it was probably a little higher than normal just because it can be stressful having a toddler in a crowded place.  But the up side of that was that she was pretty interested in what was going on.

We probably saw 3-4 difference performances and I was a bit surprised at first that she didn't dance more.  Usually, she starts moving the second she hears some music.  The difference at World Beat though was that she wasn't just listening to music.  There were dancers dancing themselves, in bright beautiful clothes representative of their culture.  She was memorized.

I have to admit, that I too was memorized but it wasn't with the dancers.  I couldn't stop watching Taelin watching the dancers.  I so badly wanted to know what she was thinking and I studied her face hoping that I would get a glimpse of understanding.  But whatever she was thinking, she kept to herself. Once the dancers were done and the people around us started clapping, she clapped along with them with a beautiful smile.  This may have been the easiest thing on my list that I have done.

On Writing by Stephen King

It is not often that my reading choices and Joe's overlap.  While we both prefer fiction, Joe's fiction choices tend to lean a little to the fantasy/science fiction type of book.  On the other hand, I love a realistic or historical fiction book or a good, old mystery/lawyer book.  Rarely do either of us really read non-fiction books.  

In this case though, I got this non-fiction book recommendation from Joe.  Joe actually has a degree in English and when we were first together he wrote all the time for his classes.  Granted, it was usually into the wee hours of the morning just before the paper/story was due...but nevertheless, he used to write all the time.  I don't really know what it was that took him away from reading his usual type of book, but he wasn't very far into On Writing when he told me that I needed to read it too.  

For the most part, I really enjoyed the book.  The book is a departure from the usual Stephen King fare.  It is a non-fiction book where King is offering insight and advice to a want-to-be writer (my terms, not his).  The first part of the book is a quick glimpse into King's own writing journey and the second half is like a guide for a budding writer addressing things King thinks are important aspects of becoming better at the craft of writing.  

While it isn't a particularly long book, it took me a long time to read.  It wasn't difficult, but I don't know that I was his target audience.  I do enjoy writing.  I would like to be better than I am now.  There are things I know I can work on.  But, I am not looking to writing a novel.  I don't have hours a day to dedicate to reading and writing (which I already know from talking to "real" writers and King says is necessary.)  King also said at one point that either you can write or you can't.  Looking back, that is where I started to slow down when reading.  I just don't know if I agree.

As I was thinking about what kind of writer I am, I started to think about other writer's I know.  I have been lucky to write alongside with some pretty amazing writers. And when I got the courage to share my own writing with them, they were always kind, encouraging and thoughtful in their responses.  That is what writing with National Writing Project people will get you.  Many of those same people are the people that wake up hours before they have to be at work, in order to get their writing time for the day. They are sending off poems, articles, and stories to be published and have to deal with the rejection letters that come more than the acceptance.  For them, it is all part of being a writer.  It is a passion.

It isn't the same for me.  I am content (for now) journaling the stories of life through my scrapbooking, blogging my thoughts, and writing the occasionally story in my writer's notebook.  No, Stephen King, I will not be on the bestseller list ever in my life.  But that doesn't mean I can't write. I tell kids all the time, as young as five, that they are writers because they can tell a story.  Writers don't have to sell books.  Writers don't even really ever have to let anybody read what they have written.  Writers are people that write.  That is all...nothing more, nothing else.

Spoons (and my opinion of anything closely related to chicken salad)

It was the first day after school was done and the sun was shining.  Taelin had one last day in daycare until she was home with me for the summer and I had cleaned the house a bunch the night before so that I could truly have a day to myself.  What a gift!

With all the possibilities a day to myself had to offer, I knew lunch out with a friend was at the top of the list.  Once landing on a time, our attention turned to a much more significant question of "where"?  A few favorites were thrown out as ideas, as was a little bistro (I think it is safe to call it a bistro) called Spoons.  Since I had been neglecting my blog for so long, I jumped at the chance to go somewhere new and off to Spoons we went.

We got there before the lunch rush, but for some reason I felt the need to rush when trying to decide what to order.  A bad idea when somewhere new.  As we stood at the counter, I scanned the menu looking for something that wasn't going to be completely unhealthy. I saw...bed of lettuce, shredded chicken, dried cranberries, celery, pecans, dressing...perfect.  A salad, with chicken...just hold the pecans, dressing on the side. Good choice made.

Except that when I went to order and asked for no pecans and the dressing on the side the guy taking my order said, "We can't really because is it all mixed in."  At this point, I should have said, "Oh, ok...let me take a look again" and let the person behind me order.  But I didn't....in an attempt to not be a problem, hold up the line, and look like a picky idiot I just said, "Oh...okay, no problem."  I ordered an iced tea to drink and my friend and I headed outside to sit at a table.

My friend and I launched quickly into a conversation, trying to catch up since the last time we had seen each other and I had almost forgotten what I order until the waiter came outside.  Then I saw it.  A huge pile of chicken salad on top of some lettuce.  You know, the kind of chicken salad that just is a bunch of ingredients that separately are good but are ruined by being all smashed together only to be stuck together by some unidentified gooey something, usually something mayonnaise based. (If you haven't guessed by now, this is where my opinion of chicken salad comes in.)

Needless to say, I tried it but I couldn't really enjoy it.  I had no idea how to even go about calculating the Weight Watcher points because I had no way of knowing how much of anything was in the chicken salad.  I picked around it, ate some of it along with the lettuce but all in all was hungry in the end.  I can't blame this on Spoons at all, it was all my fault.  I will say that after this experience, I remember that I really dislike going to places that aren't fast food but still have you order at the counter.  If a restaurant has any kind of a menu at all that is not order-by-number, I need a chance to look at.  Still not their fault.

Luckily, my lunch companion more than made up for my own ordering mistake.  The good conversation and friendship was really what I was looking for.  She really enjoyed her sandwich which had pesto and mozzarella..and maybe tomatoes?!?  I am going to have to go back with her again and do things a little differently.

So my lesson learned from this....grab a menu and step aside.  Read CAREFULLY.  Don't worry about who is waiting on you or for you. (this last one is easier said than done).

A summer picnic...or as Taelin called it a clikclik

I remember adding 'go on a picnic' on my list thinking, "People are going to think that is totally lame.  Who needs to put that on a list?"  My answer to that...me.  I need to put it on a list.  Going on a picnic is one of those things that I think some people just think of doing all the time.  I am not one of those people.  I am not sure exactly why that is.  I have enjoyed the picnics I have been on in the past; the food, the company, the scenery.  I don't know what my problem is, but I had a solution.  

My solution?  Take Taelin on a picnic, teach her the word "picnic" and she will want to go and have one...all the time.  So, yesterday I told Taelin we were going to go on a picnic.  She said no.  I told her we were going to the park and we were going to eat something.  She was on board after that.  We packed up her backpack with turkey pepperoni, wheat thins, blueberries, and peas, grabbed a blanket and headed out.

Once we got to the park I was actually able to convince her to spread the blanket out and eat a little something.  I could not for the life of me get her to actually pronounce "picnic".  When I broke it into syllables, she could do it...put it together, not so much.  More important than how she pronounced it (as adorable as it is), is what else we did while sitting on that blanket sharing blueberries.  We looked at the helicopter that flew over head and followed some ants back to their anthill. We picked a lot of clover flowers and she noticed the squares in the quilt. We talked about the scary tiger in "The Jungle Book" and how Joe needed a towel when milk came out his nose at the dinner table.  

While I am sure you are all enthralled with the blow by blow of my picnic with Taelin, there is something else I would like to consider.  It is all too easy to just go through the motions of living.  It is far too easy to get lost in a routine (this is coming from a person who loves a routine).  While routine is good in some cases, I think it has led me to miss some opportunities of just stopping and enjoying life...and in Taelin's case, learning about life.

It may have been the first clikclik of the summer...but I am certain it won't be the last.