Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In the summer of 2005, I had an experience that not only transformed my teaching world but my personal world.  I went kicking and screaming, but the four weeks I spent as a participant of Oregon Writer's Project (OWP from here on out) changed my life.  I had never had considered myself a writer and would have never considered writing as something I would choose to do in my free time.  But now, both of those things are true.

After my first experience of writing and sharing and then more writing, I was hooked.  I threw myself into becoming a part of OWP at the local level and they encouraged me.  I went to Nashville, Washington D.C., and New York City.  I became a part of the advisory board, providing in-service co-taught the summer institute, and organized writing marathons. I had found a teaching home, a place where if I could think of it, it was possible.  A place that testing did not reign supreme.  A place I found my voice and helped me teach my students to find theirs.  It was nothing short of magical.

Then through a series of events, some of the them fortunate (Taelin) and others less fortunate, I took a break from OWP.  I hoped that as Taelin got older and I became a little wiser that I would find my way back.  I wasn't sure what my role would be, but I hoped that I would find a way to become a part of something that had given me so much.

Today, I found my way back.  I attended the visioning retreat (which might sound like I was expected to smoke some illegal substance..which I wasn't) to celebrate the work that has been done and discuss what was next for the site.  It didn't take long to feel like I was with old friends even though much of the group where people I didn't know.  There is a special bond that people share, something that can't really be explained to someone that hasn't been a part of it.  Whatever it is, the feeling is recreated instantly when you put a group of writing project people together.  It took maybe 5 minutes of being part of the group today and I realized how much I missed it.

I have a couple of ideas swirling in my head about what is next.  I am not sure I am ready to share them yet because I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew, but I know one thing for sure....OWP, old friend, I am back.

Marinated Pork Chops

When Joe and I first met he didn't eat any pork...at all.  Then, somewhere along the way, he decided that he like bacon as long as it was crispy.  Then, he ventured into pulled pork sandwiches, as long as they were made by me because he knew I was picky about getting all the fat off the meat.  Then, I tried pork chops in the crock pot.  Again, melting most of the fat away (are you seeing a pattern here) and making the meat fairly tender.  When brings us to tonight.  

During the same trip to New York City where I had the to-die-for Chicken Marsala, I also had an amazing grilled pork tenderloin that was so juicy that I could hardly believe that it was the same kind of meat that I had eaten as a child baked with corn flakes.  So, when I thought about recipes I wanted to try, a grilled pork chop went on the list.  The challenge..make it flavorful, make it tender, make it with a lean cut of meat.  So, I did some searching and decided on this savor marinade and grilled them up. It was really good...even Joe liked it!

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1 1/2 tablespoons vinegar
• 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon prepared mustard
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
• 1 teaspoon garlic clove, minced
• 2 (1 inch thick) pork chops (I used boneless)

Directions:

1. Combine the first 10 ingredients in whatever you use to marinate meat in.  I use a large ziploc bag and then set it inside a bowl.  Once they are blended, add the chops.

2.  Marinate for up to 24 hours in the refrigerator. (I only had 8 hours and you could taste the marinade through the meat.)  Turn over several times as they are marinating.

3. Grill to your liking

Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good, even in unpleasant situations. Start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful. ~Marelisa Fábrega

I can tend to be a worrier.  And as a worrier, I tend to be a bit of a pessimist.  In any given situation, I am more likely to think of the half-empty scenario than the half-full one.  I can trick myself into thinking that it works for me, that I am being a realist. By the time something is resolved, I have thought and worried about all the possibilities that the resolution is never as bad as I thought it was going to be.  One of the biggest problems with this however, is the energy and time that I spent worrying..many times about things I have absolutely no control over.

And so, it is with this quote that I turn my attention to finding the "all-the-time" gratitude in my life. It won't be easy...I have had many years at being a worrier and old habits die hard.  But, if I turn my attention to the things in situations that I can be thankful for, then perhaps I will start to see things more half-full and see less to worry about.

So, right now I am incredibly grateful that Taelin is sleeping in so I can sit on my couch in the sunshine (YES!!! SUNSHINE) that is streaming in my windows and type this post.  I am grateful that I was looking at Charlie's blog and stumbled onto his list, inspiring me to make my own and providing me with this opportunity better myself.  And finally, because things can change so quickly, I am grateful that Taelin is awake and that I am off today.  Banana bread, picnic, and weed pulling...here we come!

Resentment is one burden that is incompatible with your success. ~Dan Zadra

Resentment and forgiveness.  I am too good at one and not nearly good enough at the other one. I am probably not the only one.  The question that has been rolling around in my head a lot in the past couple of days is how to get to a place of forgiveness so I can let go of some resentment that, at times, is a burden that takes too much of a toll?

The details of my particular story don't really matter.  I mean they do matter, but I have beat that horse to death and end up in the same spot so I obviously need to try something different.  Everyone has a story.  But for me, right now, the story doesn't matter.  I could probably write it all out and you all could change a few names and settings and we would essentially end up in the same place-holding onto the resentment of something not being what we wanted it to be.

I think my problem lies within the idea of forgiveness.  Growing up, forgiveness was something I was taught to give when someone says they are sorry.  So, what happens an apology isn't given?  What happens when someone doesn't even really see that an apology is needed?  It is like waiting in limbo for something that you know will never happen.  Forgiveness comes after the recognition that something was hurtful and needs to rectified but what if that recognition never comes?  

I need to own some of this problem.  I haven't asked for an apology.  I am not really interested in having any kind of conversation, mostly because I don't think it would do any good.  Some of the resentment I am holding onto is from things that have happened years ago and are not remembered the same as they are by me.  As things along the same vein happen, it is easy for me to just add it to the list of transgressions instead of defending myself now that I am supposedly stronger than before.  Can you really teach people to treat you differently than they have in the past?  More importantly, I can change the way I treat myself?  I guess time will tell.

Don't worry...I haven't given up!

I have had a couple people ask me where my posts have been this week.  They were concerned that the "shininess" of my list had worn off and I was starting to wane.  I promise this isn't this case. They are a couple of good reasons...and I know you want to know them. 

First of all, I started two different posts this week that I never finished because as I went back to them they were just a bunch of me ranting and complaining and not even I wanted to read it...and I was the one writing it.  Look at me, I abandon one book and give up on the Rubik cube and all of the sudden I am throwing out things left and right.  Really, it was just me realizing that the last thing this world needs, especially the blogging world, is another person complaining so as soon as I am done with this post, I will delete those so they will never see the light of day.

One of my other reasons is a much less noble one.  Over spring break I was staying up late and scrapbooking in an effort to catch up.  (HA!  Yeah, right..catch up.  Notice that isn't on my list).  While I scrapbook, I like to have something on in the background and I decided instead of watching Oceans 12 again, I would take a look at Netflix and see if there was something I wanted to watch.  Enter...the t.v. series Bones.  Seasons 1-5 are all on Netflix. And I have watched them all...all. five. seasons....just in the last 3 weeks.  I watched them when I was scrapbooking, I watched them when I was working out, I watched them while I was making dinner, I watched them when I should have been sleeping...you get the picture.  All that time had to come from somewhere and part of it came from blogging. 

Now, in defense of myself, I haven't completely forgotten about my list this week.  Joe and I spent 2 hours on Saturday and 3 hours on Sunday working out the in yard, because it wasn't raining and the sun was even shining.  This is all in preparation for the beginnings of our garden (which is #51).  I wrote several cards out this week and started a new book.  I have looked into available cooking classes and while I did find some there was nothing that screamed at me that I needed to take it.  I did start a new book, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which is pretty good so far.

This week, I will be better, I promise.

Stuffed Peppers

I have made stuffed peppers one other time in the past, but they were not a hit.  Joe is a little picky when it comes to his food mixing so I am blaming the lack of excitement about my past stuffed peppers on him.  He especially doesn't like meat mixed with things so when I set out to try again, I decided that I was going to make them vegetarian.  I again looked a bunch of different recipes and this is what I came up with... 

Ingredients:

2 peppers (I had orange peppers so that is what I used)
1 small onions, chopped
1 clove of minced garlic
2 stalks of celery, chopped
1 grated carrot
1/2 cup of frozen peas
1 cup of cooked rice
1 can of diced tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon of basil
1/2 teaspoon of oregano
2 teaspoons of olive oil + my olive oil Misto

Directions:

1.  Cut peppers in half, and scoop out seeds, membrane, and stem.  Spray them with olive oil Misto, place them in a baking side face down in a 350 degree oven.  I would say it was probably 15 minutes or so...I didn't time it.  They just stayed in the oven for however long it took me to get the rest ready.

2.  Heat 2 teaspoons of olive oil and saute the onions, garlic, and celery...for awhile.  Again, I didn't time it..I just cooked it until it was ready.  (I know Rachel...I am sorry...I promise I will time it next time)

3.  Add peas and carrot and continue cooking for a few minutes. Then add the cooked rice and spices and mix.

4. Open the can of diced tomatoes and reserve about a 1/2 cup.  Pour the rest of the can into the vegetable and rice mixture and stir.

5.  Take the peppers out of the oven and out of the dish (for a moment) and put the 1/2 cup of diced tomatoes you reserved in the baking dish and place the peppers back in the dish and scoop the vegi/rice mixture into the peppers. 

6.  Bake for another 20 minutes or so...

A lot of the recipes I saw called for a slice of cheese on the top of the pepper as it got closer to being done, but I didn't add that.  When I told Joe this, he got out the Parmesan cheese and added some to the top of his.  I didn't because as it stood it was a pretty low-point side dish to go along with the grilled chicken.  We only each ate a half of a pepper so we will eat it later this week (hopefully).

Definitely a keeper!

Ruth's Chris Steakhouse

Joe's mom gave us a gift card as a Christmas present to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and along with it came a "bonus" card that expired on March 31st and because we are such planners, we decided to go on March 31st.  So, some good friends agreed to watch Taelin and off we went.  I can't even start to imagine the pounds of butter that this restaurant goes through in one night.  Here is what I do know-that pretty much everything I had at Ruth's Chris was covered in butter...and it was quite tasty.

It certainly isn't a place that someone would go on a regular basis unless they were made of money and had an iron gut, but it was a great place to have a delicious dinner.  Joe and I both had filets and shared several side dishes that were amazing.  The steak was melt in your mouth and the service was as amazing as you would predict in a place that was as nice as Ruth's Chris.

The unfortunate part is that it is 3:00 the next day and I haven't eaten a thing yet.  I feel kind of gross...really.   I think instead of enchiladas tonight, we are going to have some grilled chicken and a really big salad.