“Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul” William Hazlitt

Today is the last day of 2012 and it makes sense that I would spend at least a little time reflective on my "one little word" of 2012, peace. I can't take credit for the idea of "one little word".  It was something that was introduced to me by a friend and after some looking, I found the idea has been around for awhile.  I supposed you could start at anytime really but there is something about the ending of one year and the beginning of another that gets people thinking.  Most of the time I think people make grand resolutions about how they want to be better in some aspect.  Health, relationships, work...there are many that are made...and, most of the time, broken.  I myself can't even begin to list my former resolutions.  Change is hard and can be overwhelming, even when you have a plan.

But there is something different about the idea of "one little word".  It is just one little word.  It can't be that hard. Easy.  It's just a word.  There is only one.

Well...that is partially correct.  It is just one word.  There isn't some need for a long list of "to-do's".  You just need to remember your one word.  Simple.

And that is where the 'easy' ends.  In everything I read, and it certainly holds true for me, the word a person picks is a reflection of something that needs to change.  And as I said before, change is hard, even when you want it.

So...last year around this time I picked the word peace.  I wanted to have more internal peace.  I wanted to react to situations/people in a more peaceful way.  I wanted to make choices that would bring peace to my family and friends.  I wanted more calm in my heart, even when (and maybe even especially when) things around me didn't seem peaceful.  I wanted to be the one responsible for creating that peace in my life, accountable for making it happen.

Simply said, I think my one little word served me well.  I bought a little silver ring with the word 'PEACE' stamped on.  To anyone else, it just looks like a thing silver band, but to me it was what anchored me to my word all year long.  Wherever I went it was always with me, reminding me of what I wanted.  A silly as it might sound, I think it was that little silver band that has helped me live my word.

Now, I want to say that it didn't always work.  While there were times that I was in a given situation that I would look at the ring or even play with it that resulted in a different behavior, there were also plenty of times that I looked at it afterwards and said to myself, "Could have remembered that a little better."  But overall, I think there was more peace in my life because of my focus this year.  That little silver band isn't coming off, but I am going to shift gears a tad for 2013.

Which leads me to share my "one little word" for 2013.  It is just one little word. It can't be that hard. Easy.  It's just a word.  There is only one.

Um, right.

Ok...my "one little word" for 2013 is....grace.

Grace.

I didn't really want this word when I first started thinking of new words.  There is clearly an aspect of Christian faith that is conjured for most people when they hear this word and not being of Christian faith, the word didn't seem to fit.  But as I started to think about what I wanted for myself this year, the word that seemed to sum it up best was grace.

As I sit and write about it now, there is clearly a connection to my 2012 word of peace.  There is an internal peace that I think one has to have to extend grace to themselves and others.  There were other words and ideas that came up; kindness, inner peace, the benefit of the doubt, forgiveness. But it was grace that seemed to sum up all of those words for me.

I am warming up to the idea that this is the right word for me this year.  There is still a part of me that isn't completely comfortable with the word.  It is most certainly the religious aspect that has me hung up.  I don't know quite what to do about that.  (And as I have typed, erased, re-typed, erased again...rinse and repeat for the last ten minutes after that last sentence, I think it is safe to say that there is more I need to write about that.  Whether that writing makes it way on here or not will remain to be seen.  I guess I need to give myself some grace regarding that.)  What it does tell me is that maybe this word is actually the perfect word for 2013.

In addition to the quote in the title of this post, I have found a few others (that are now on a Pinterest board) to help define a little better what it is that I am looking for.  I did this for peace and it was helpful to go back on the days that I needed some reminding.

One is just the definition of grace.

grace: noun, the exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor; disposition to benefit or serve another.

Another quote I found is kind of like a mantra of sorts.

I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.

Another is less of a quote and more of an idea.

How you climb up a mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain.  

And so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one gigantic test 

followed by one gigantic lesson.  In the end, it all comes down to one word.  Grace.  

It's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.

So, there it is.

Grace.

Happy New Year everyone.

I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends. ~Nancie J. Carmody

For the past eight years we have hosted, in a very informal way, a gingerbread house party.   Before having Taelin it was something we did with our friends.  Most of the creations were inappropriate in some way and then there was me, who was trying to build the "perfect" gingerbread house.  Granted we were just using graham crackers, but still.  There has not been a year, in all the years we have been building gingerbread houses that I have actually completely a house.  I end up giving up because things start to fall or they don't line up.

The last three years we have invited a different crowd over, our friends with kids, and just had kids decorate. I have used milk cartons to prebuild the houses and the kids use frosting like glue to stick the candy on.  It has been fun and most years Taelin has ended up eating more candy that what ends up on her house.  We also end up find frosting is unusual places.

This year, in order to combine a few things on the list I decided to formalize our gingerbread party a little bit and make myself finish a house.

We had 10 kids from ages 3-10 over to the house and it was a blast!  I had a pair of reindeer antlers for each kid, their place set with all the things they would need, one table just dedicated to candy, 12 pounds of frosting, and a few things to snack on (other than the candy).  There was a crockpot of hot chocolate (with some peppermint schnapps for the adults) and a reindeer food making station.  I had little grab bags for each of the kids, with a few treats included.  I am pretty sure that all the kids had a great time and the adults had a fun time too!

Here are a few pictures from our day!

This was after I spilled Taelin's bowl of candy not once..but twice.
She told me I couldn't help anymore.  Fair enough.

A family picture!

Reindeer food: oatmeal, marshmallows, chocolate chips,
red and green sugar, and some Christmas sprinkles.

Making her concoction for the reindeer
that we spread on Christmas Eve

SO CUTE!

So, the party was a success but because I was trying to be a good host I didn't get a chance to build my own house.  After the break started however, Taelin and I took some time and went for round 2.  While I started from scratch, Taelin added more candy/frosting to her house/tummy.  About 20 minutes in I was frustrated and was ready to give up. I sighed and Taelin asked me what was wrong.  I told her that the walls were falling in the ceiling was sliding.  Her reply, "Just add more frosting and hold it.  Don't worry, you can do it."

Such a wise little girl.  I did add more frosting and finished the house.  The walls weren't straight and things were super uneven.  I had to add a few things that hide some of the imperfections but in the end it just was what it was.  I finished it and I even kind of liked it.  It sat on our counter along side Taelin's until today when we had to clean them up.

Ta-Da!!!

Photo A Day Dec 1-25, 2012

What a December we had! I am so grateful for all the different things we did! What is particularly impressive about all the smiles in these photos is how sick Taelin really has been for most of the month in some fashion.  We didn't completely follow my plan, partly because of illnesses, but that is ok.  I don't know how I will end up putting together my December Daily book this year.  I have pictures from most of the things we did and if not pictures, the stories for sure that I can tell.  Last year, I only did one photo for each day but I think with the pictures I took this year I will end up doing something different.  I have some time to think about that though and I am sure there will be a post about that whole thing in the next week or so.

For the purpose of my Something A Day challenge, I picked the photos that in a lot of ways overlap but might not necessarily tell the whole story.  Think of it as a little sneak peek into my December Daily.

dec 1, 2012

dec 2, 2012
tree hunting

dec 3, 2012
making snowman ornaments for family 

dec 4, 2012
shopping for the fire department toy drive

dec 5, 2012
Christmas coloring book

dec 6, 2012
Santa letter dictated
(what you are missing is what is on the back which says,
"I Love You Santa! Taelin". She wrote her own name.)

dec 7, 2012

dec 8, 2012
It was a tinsel year at our house. 

dec 9, 2012
gingerbread house decorating party
I think she ate more candy than what ended up on her house!

dec 10, 2012
helping get outside lights ready

dec 11, 2012
handprint Christmas tree

dec 12, 2012
preschool Christmas program

dec 13, 2012
I love snowmen!

dec 14, 2012
wrapping presents

dec 15, 2012

dec 16, 2012
Taelin and I went together but only stayed until intermission

dec 17, 2012
wrapping more presents

dec 18, 2012
Her Christmas 2012 Hallmark ornanment

dec 19, 2012
My gingerbread house.  Consider it checked off the list!

dec 20, 2012
She got a letter from Santa about her visit on the 15th!

dec 21, 2012
Making peanut butter fudge for Daddy!

dec 22, 2012

dec 23, 2012
adding a few sprinkles

dec 24, 2012
Soldering the light for Taelin's work toolbench

dec 25, 2012

People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. -Faith Resnick

Good thing I like cheese.

I used to love cats.  They start out as adorable kittens with little pointy tails and cute "mews".  They follow you around and cuddle up on your lap.  I had cats growing up and have fond memories of them.

Notice, I said that I used to love cats.  Gypsy, our current cat who is around 11 years old and has been with us for most of those 11 years, has changed my former love for cats what can only be categorized as hate.  Only the guilt I know I would feel is what keeps her from being hauled off to the humane society.  Seriously.

These feelings are not new.  She has scratched (sometimes while standing on a scratching pad) and ruined more things in the house than I care to count.  Her hairballs are disgusting and plentiful.  She constantly wants in and out of the house, which would be understandable if it wasn't between the hours of 1-5 a.m.  And the feelings are mutual.  She will hiss at me as she walks by for no particular reason.  She has bitten me in the same manner.  Right now, just to spite me I am sure, she is sitting on the back of same couch purring with her eyes closed like we are the best of friends.  I am not fooled.

Last Saturday, my phone alarm went off early (5:20 a.m.) since Joe's mom was flying in from Spokane on an early flight.  I was obviously sleepy as I grabbed my phone and glasses and made my way into the bathroom and set them down on the counter like I usually do.  The cat had been meowing to get in the bedroom door but since we try to discourage her from coming in that particular door, I went to the sliding glass door to let her in.  As I closed the door, she ran past me, hissing first at me and then the dog as he made his way towards to door to go out.  Just as I was opening the door for the second time, I heard a crash come from the bathroom.  We have the cat's food bowl up on the counter since it is the only place that Gypsy can get to her food where Tucker can not....except she is clumsy and can't always get up all the way, especially when her feet are wet.  She doesn't fall daily by any means, but it happens often enough that I wasn't worried especially when I saw her run back out of the bathroom.

Seeing that Tucker wasn't coming back right away, I went back into the bathroom to brush my teeth when I noticed a black rectangle at the bottom of the toilet.  It didn't take but a few seconds for me to realize it was my phone.  I grabbed it out of the toilet, ripped the cover off and quickly dried it off with the closest towel.  I ran into the bedroom and woke Joe up (which isn't easy that early in the morning), said several unladylike words about what had happened and ended up powering down my phone and sticking it in a bag of rice.

Not really having another option, I jumped in the shower, toweled off and quickly got dressed.  To say I was mad is a complete understatement.  I use my phone for pretty much everything from setting my alarm to get up in the morning, to refill prescriptions, blogging, texting, taking pictures, looking up recipes, calling people, music for working out, games for Taelin while waiting somewhere...you get the point.  It was as I was washing my hands after doing my makeup that I went from 'mad' to 'mad and grossed out'.  I realized the towel I had just used to dry off after my shower was the very same towel that not ten minutes earlier had been used to dry off my phone.  Disgusting.

Not having time to jump in the shower again to start all over, I said a few more unladylike words and finished getting ready.  Except that I couldn't find my glasses. Yep...you guessed it.  They were in the toilet too.  Even more disgusting.  I cleaned those the best I could without scalding my fingers, dried them with a different towel, grabbed my keys and headed up to the airport.

I will spare you the rest of the details of all the things Joe tried but my phone is dead.
And my cat, somehow, isn't.

Before anyone gets too concerned, the cat is fine.  She, unlike my phone and glasses, did not fall in the toilet.  She likely slipped on her landing and just grabbed onto anything she could as she fell...that anything being my stuff.  She still has been fed everyday although I will say it is probably a good thing that Joe's mom was here to make sure that happened.  So far, nobody has taken me up on my offer to deliver the cat so she is staying.

In the meantime, I am without a phone.  My contract wasn't even close to being up and the replacement cost, since we didn't have insurance, isn't an option. (Won't make that mistake again.)  I am sure I won't get anything as nice as I had.  And while it is just a phone and it is just money, the one thing that I did get teary about is the camera.  There were so many times that I grabbed it to capture a moment, mostly of Taelin but not always, and I there is no way that I will let us spend the money to get a phone with a camera as good as the one I had. It is a silly thing to be upset about and in the grand scheme of things not even really a problem but every time I do think about it another unladylike word just slips out.

Hopefully we will be able to get something for me in the next day or two before we head to Sunriver.  Maybe if I practice my storytelling and keep my unladylike words to a minimum, someone will take pity on me by either giving me a break on a new phone or taking the @#&%!*$ cat.

Photo A Day Nov 26-30 (I am only a month behind in posting....)

Wow!  Has it really been a month since I have posted my Photo-A-Day?  The last one I posted was taken on the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I have been keeping up on my photo a day but haven't been so good about posting.  I figure I have several upcoming posts about my December Daily activities but before I launched into that I thought it would be prudent to finish out November.

nov 26, 2012

nov 27, 2012
He has the uncanny ability to find the softest spot in the house.
He was kicked off shortly after this picture was taken.

nov 28, 2012

nov 29, 2012

nov 30, 2012
Joe's old keyboard that he found up in the crawl space
 when we were taking down our Christmas decorations.

Merry Christmas!!! I am exhausted.

I can't believe that Christmas 2012 is coming to an end. We still have a few more gifts to give people that we weren't lucky enough to see in the last couple of days, but for the most part we are done. I would be lying if I was wasn't just a little glad about that.

Don't get me wrong. This month has been a wonderful of combination of magical moments as we geared up for Christmas. We worked our way through our December Daily activities with varied success but lots of fun along the way. We baked cookies, made fudge, created presents, and decorated the house. We read lots of Christmas books, hosted a gingerbread house party, and visited Santa. We watched some of the Christmas classics and a few of the newer ones. It has been wonderful!

But I am exhausted. And no wonder when looking at the list (and that is just what I came up with as I lie here in bed). And I am not the only one. While I know that Taelin had a great time getting ready and the finally celebrating, she is tired too. If you asked her she would say no, but her poor little body says otherwise. Last week, on the first day of vacation, we headed to the doctor and left with a prescription for antibiotics to combat her double ear infection. She was a little pill for a few days, which makes total sense, and we thought we were in the clear on Saturday when she woke up a happy camper but then her nose started running the next day and this morning (Christmas morning) we were wiping her nose between every present. It was actually a very fitting green for Christmas morning, if it hadn't been coming from my daughter nose. Clearly it is viral otherwise the antibiotics would be taking care of it. I am trying to be hopeful that she will be better soon and I can't think of anything that would help that happen more than couple of days at home.

So, the next few days are going to be relatively calm...I hope. There are leftovers to eat. New toys to play with. And nowhere to really be. (We do need to Nana to the airport.) I hope we can cuddle and nap. Watch a couple of movies and maybe (fingers crossed) catch up on some blogging. I have been missing it terribly and I have some great things to report!

Anyway, I hope that your Christmas was a great one and that you too have some restful days ahead. Merry Christmas!

The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. ~Joe Houldsworth

I have been stealing a lot of kisses from Taelin in the last couple of days.  Kisses, hugs, cuddling reading books, more kisses...I even pulled her out of her bed Friday night when I went to bed because I just needed to have her near me.

I can't tear myself away from the news.  I wish I could just unplug from it all.  I keep telling myself that I need to but when I was watching President Obama's speech tonight at the candlelight vigil it clicked for me why I won't.  I won't unplug because there are 26 families out there that can't.  And it just doesn't seem fair, that word seems like a silly word to use, but it just doesn't seem fair that I can unplug from it all when they can't.  So, I keep checking for updates, looking at sweet faces with missing teeth, reading the stories of the teachers and crying.

I do have to say that I haven't done any crying in front of Taelin. She is clueless about what is going on and I can only hope that there isn't any conversation about it at preschool on Tuesday.  I won't be super surprised if it does come up.  It is everywhere.  The kids in her class have older, school aged children. She spends part of her day with older kids.  I won't be surprised.  But I will be heartbroken.

There are many discussions going on right now that I am really just trying to ignore.  I am trying to learn the stories because somehow it seems that is the right thing to do.  It brings tears most of the time.

I have always been grateful for my daughter.  But the recent tragedy makes me realize that I need to not just be telling myself that or writing blog posts about it.  I need to be telling her...every single day.  

A big tree and a really random act of kindness...

Today we ended up going and getting our tree even though it was a little rainy. I took advantage of the trip to the little tree farm just up the hill (which we have gone to for probably the last 8 years) to commit a random act of kindness. When we went to pay for our tree (which was only $15) I doubled the check and told the lady that I wanted to pay for the tree of whoever came next. She kind of stared at me and the guy next to her said, "Really!?!"

Yep, really! This might be the most random act of all my RAKs so far...I don't even know who ended up as the recipient!

Not a very big post at all but it was such a fun little thing I just had to share!