Random Act of Kindness for October (and a cute picture of my daughter)

Things have been nothing short of insane here.  We are making it through little by little and I am just trying to take things as they come.  October is rapidly coming to a close and sadly I have to report that there has been little thought by me given to other people.  Okay, that probably isn't entirely true...I always have a lot of good thoughts...what I have been lacking is time to see those thoughts through.

So, for this month I decided that we would take one of the many pumpkins we have ended up with from our trips to the pumpkin patches...you know...the Fred Meyer pumpkin patch and the Winco pumpkin patch and the Safeway pumpkin patch....you know, pumpkin patches.  Anyway, Taelin and I gutted one of the pumpkins and with some store bought flowers made a nice arrangement to take to her daycare/preschool tomorrow.  It was fun to stop and spend some creative time with Taelin.  She was excited because she got to "help" with the scissors and got to figure out where the flower went.  It certainly wouldn't win any floral arrangement awards (I am assuming they have something like that....) but she was very proud of it when she was done.

Here is a picture of the final product plus probably the last picture I will take of my cold, hard-to-clean tile floor as the kitchen demolition starts tomorrow!

Cute isn't she....

pulchritudinous: physically beautiful

There was a sunrise this morning that was incredibly pulchritudinous.  The absolute best part of the sunrise was that Taelin noticed it and asked what it was.  We stopped and talked about and watched for the few short minutes as the sky changed color.  I was late for work by a few minutes, but oh was it worth it.

I didn't get a chance to take a picture because I was busy enjoying a moment with my daughter, but here is one that my Facebook friend Ronnie took....it is nice too, but doesn't do it justice.

enervate: to deprive of force or strength; weaken

This last week has been nothing but enervating.  I am SO looking forward for Joe's surgery so the healing can begin for him.  The kitchen remodel starts next week and I am really happy that soon I will have a fully functional (and BEAUTIFUL new kitchen).  There is a lot of work that needs to be done between now and having those things all done which may enervate my well-being even more...but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am so thankful for all the people in my life that have helped prop me up with words and actions.  And I am thankful that so many people have lined up and offered more help to get me through the next little bit.  I am a lucky lady.

Words have weight. ~Stephen King

Last Thursday I was sitting in a day-long professional development with different teachers, mentors and coaches from around the district.  There were several groups of people all from the same building which is exciting to see. Teaching, surprisingly, can be an isolating job at times and it is great to see people learning together with the common goal of student success.  Some of the information was new, but much of it was reinforcing things I know or reminding me of things that I have forgotten.  Because of this, there were times that my attention wandered.

During one such wandering, a t-shirt one of the teachers was wearing caught my attention.  I could see the word "succeed" most of all and there was some smaller writing above and below it.  I first looked at the letters above and saw, "If at first you don't".  In my mind, I easily filled in the blanks of what I thought the words would be underneath..."try, try again."  Underneath the entire saying was the name of the elementary school that matched the name the teacher had shared at the beginning of the training.  I went back to reread the entire thing and then realized I had made a mistake in my reading.  What the phrase actually said was, "If at first you don't succeed, you aren't us. ______ Elementary."

Um....excuse me?  

I looked across the table at one of my co-workers and asked if I had really read that correctly.  He smiled and nodded without reading it himself...he had seen the shirt already.  I sat back, astounded, looking again convinced that there was no way that I had read that correctly.  When I looked back, I realized that all three teachers from that school were wearing the same t-shirt.  Bewildered didn't even begin to really describe what I was thinking.  It was obviously a coordinated effort and they were wearing their shirts with pride.  

I tried my best to turn my attention back to the presenters, but I couldn't help but be drawn back to the t-shirt.  I don't think it really surprised me that the sentence existed on a t-shirt.  People change all sorts of known phrases to try to be clever or funny or something...  What surprised me was that a teacher was wearing it.  What surprised me was that there was a school name on it.  What surprised me was there was probably some kind of "vote" on what they should put on their staff t-shirt and that was what they decided was best.

When the initial shock of realizing what the shirt said started to wear off, it opened the floodgate of emotions and thoughts I had.  Even as I sit here and type I am having a hard time even knowing where to start to explain how I feel about it.  

First, I guess I need to think about what that sentence is really saying.  So basically, at that school, if don't succeed at something the first time you aren't a part of them.  And they seem okay with that.  Not just okay, but proud of that.  Apparently they must think being one of them is something pretty special.  They must assume that everyone wants to be a part of them.  Once realizing what those words are meaning, I have to think about who might be reading them.  

I don't think I am making too big of an assumption here that the staff t-shirts are worn by staff at school.  And just to state the obvious...there are children at school.  So, I have to wonder what a child at that school might think about the shirt.  I instantly start to think of former students of mine, very specific memories of the times that those students succeeded.  Many, many times the thing that made their success so sweet for me as a teacher was knowing how hard we (the student and I) worked to achieve that success.  So, when I think about the students in that school I wonder how they feel when they don't succeed the first time?  According to the t-shirt, those students aren't one of "them".  And even if they don't wear them everyday, they are taking that attitude into every interaction they have with a child.  What a disservice...maybe even an injustice.

Then I think about the parents of the children that go to that school. As a parent myself, I have already run out of fingers and toes to count the times where I didn't succeed the first time trying something.  Hell, I ran out of fingers and toes to count on before I even left the hospital just trying to breastfeed.  I can't imagine how a parent would feel talking to a teacher wearing this shirt when I know deep down that almost all parents are doing the very best they know how to do with what they have.  

Then I think about what it would be like if I were a teacher at that school.  At this point, I would consider myself a fairly capable teacher.  I understand how important a organized environment and strong management system is in a classroom.  I understand that my lessons need to be well thought out, engaging and attainable in some way for all my students.  I understand collaboration with my peers and continued learning is critical in this profession.  And do you want to know how I understand all of those things?  Because at some point, in the last 11 years, I did the exact opposite and learned, sometimes the hard way, that all of those things were important.  If I was a teacher at that school though...well...I clearly didn't succeed the first time, so again, wouldn't have been one of them.  

I am angered, disappointed, hurt, perplexed, and confused by that t-shirt.  I am all of those things for many, many reasons.  I am embarrassed for those teachers that think whatever it is the hell they think is the good that might come from wearing that t-shirt.  I also pity those teachers, because at some point, they will realize they haven't succeeded at something the first time they have tried and will apparently find themselves no longer part of the "us" they clearly like to be a part of now.

I struggled the rest of the day trying to decided if I wanted to say something to one of those teachers but I couldn't figure out what I would say.  There is a part of me that is curious about the story behind how those shirts came to be.  I have been trying hard to see the other side of things; broaden my perspective before I make a judgment but I honestly can't think of one story they could tell me that would make me understand why that t-shirt is a good idea.

In another two weeks I will find myself in the same place with the same people for the second session of professional development. I wonder if they will wear their shirts again, like some kind of uniform intended to intimidate the opposing team.  If they do, I don't think I will be able to help myself from saying something.

I don't want to mean or unkind, but would just like to tell them that I am really okay not being part of their "us".  I am who I am because of my successes and failures and the lessons that came from both.  I want to tell them that the students in their classes count on them to be the one person in the classroom that can support them when they don't succeed the first time.  I want to tell them that I hope my daughter's life is not so easy that every time she tries something for the first time, she gets is right.  I want to tell them that it is those exact lessons that will hopefully remind her to be gentle, kind and empathetic to others and will remind her that if she keeps trying she can do anything she wants.

Yeah, I am okay not being a part of your "us".  What a scary and stifling place that must be. 

Getting the Girl by Markus Zusak

In late July of this year I read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.  One of my dearest friends had already read the book and when we were talking about how much we both loved the book, I asked her if she had read any of his other books.  She hadn't but not too long after that conversation she presented me with a short stack of books by Zusak.  She had purchased a few of his other books and let me choose any of them to borrow.

I read the back of Getting the Girl and I picked it because it seemed to be such a drastic difference in topic than the previous book I had read.  While I loved the story of The Book Thief, I equally love Zusak's writing style and was interested how it would translate to a different topic.  Let me just go ahead and say it.  I loved this book too.  It is a not-so-simple simple story of a boy who loves a girl.  It is a story about a boy who is trying to understand who is he is relationship to his family.  It is a story about a writer.

The story wasn't as gripping as The Book Thief.  Things weren't a matter of life and death and there wasn't the strong historical significance, but it was a great story.  Again, Zusak impressed me with his style and cemented the fact that I now intend on reading every book he has written.  I need to go back to my friend's stack of books and trade this one for the next one...and the next one...and the next one.

foment: instigate or provoke discord

Before I get started on my word this week, I have to admit that I was right.  My depth of vocabulary is fairly shallow because every week there are people that already know the word that I am using.  Then I get all worried that I am using it incorrectly or that people are going to think, "Really, she doesn't know that word?"  And then I dismissed that...because the whole point is to learn new-to-me words and I should get over the fact there are people that I know that already know them.

SO...this week's word is foment. The florist at The Cape Cod Florist in Hyannis, MA is responsible for my word choice this week.  Her lack of professionalism and integrity certainly led to foment discord on a day that was already difficult enough.  I don't imagine my interactions with her are finished as I stopped payment on the transaction.  My guess is that she thinks she is deserving and we will certainly be having a conversation about that....mostly to let her know that she in incorrect.

"May you live in interesting times." ~A Chinese Proverb/Curse (depending on the source)

I have been at a loss in the last week or so when trying to think of how I could even go about blogging about all that is going on right now in my life.  Joe and I were sitting down at dinner tonight and I said, "Well, our life is certainly not boring right now."  He chuckled and quoted back to me the above proverb.  I knew then I had found my way to start.

So, here is a little list of our interesting times as of late:

1. Joe is in fairly significant pain most of the time.  We finally found out last week, from an MRI that seemed to take forever to get scheduled, that he has a large herniated disc that will require surgery.  The specifics of the surgery will hopefully be determined this week after he meets with the neurosurgeon.  The pain and immobility that is a result of the herniated disc has had countless effects on our family...most of them negative. I am realizing more everyday how lucky I am that I have an equal partner in life....and look forward to him being pain-free and healthy again.

2. Last week we got a call from Joe's mom telling us that Joe's Nan (John's mom) had had a stroke during the night.  That, along with the numerous health problems she has had for years, prompted a call to bring hospice in.  We knew it was not going to be long since she wasn't eating or drinking anything.  This morning we got the call that she had passed away.  The funeral is Wednesday and we aren't going to be able to go.  Joe can barely make it across town sitting in the car; a flight back east is not even really possible.  Heartbreaking and disappointing all at the same time.

3. Our kitchen planning is in full gear and there a lot of decisions that have needed to be made.  While fun at times, it is one more thing to think about. It is scheduled to begin the end of October and take about two weeks...most likely right around the time of Joe's surgery or recovery.

4. As if one death isn't enough, we also found out that a dear aunt on Joe's mom's side passed away this morning.  Again, hospice had been called in awhile ago so there is no real surprise, but it is still a loss for our family.  Mary was nothing but kind to me and while I didn't have a strong relationship to her, there are many that are close to me that did.  My heart aches for them.

5. I am horrible at saying no.  This is not something particularly new or earth-shattering, but while I had been somewhat "in recovery" since Taelin was born I seem to have fallen off the wagon.  I look at the next few weeks, in terms of work, and think "What have I done?"  I am sure everything will fall into place and will work out but I feel like I have too many plates spinning and one is bound to fall.

6. Taelin got sick.  It was a matter of time since going back to daycare that Taelin would get sick.  She got a bit of a runny nose when she was first back the end of August but it cleared up quickly and I thought finally her immune system was prepped to fight things off.  And then she got sick again and it didn't clear up.  It got worse as days went, as did her disposition.  I pretty much called it after a week that we were bound for an ear infection.  She is currently on antibiotics (because I was right) and is already on the mend but sleeping horribly.  I currently am typing this post from my queen size bed that I am sharing with Taelin, Tucker and the freaking cat (all who are snoring loudly enough to prevent any kind of real sleep for me).

Okay...there, I am done.  I even got sick of typing it so I am impressed with anyone that might have stayed with me through my whining.  Sorry, I just needed to get it out.  I promise there won't be a lot of posts like this.

Interesting times indeed....

Chicken Curry...in the crockpot

I have tried to make chicken curry in the past with very little success.  It isn't my favorite thing, but I do enjoy it now and again.  Joe, on the other hand, enjoys curry quite a bit so I thought I would give it another shot.  This time though, I decided to use my crockpot and see if that would work.  I have to say, it was pretty darn good.  I read through a lot of different recipes and their reviews and finally landed on one.  Then I changed it a little bit...


Ingredients:
3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cubed
2 large potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 onion, thinly sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon of ginger root, grated
2 tablespoons of curry powder
2 tablespoons of creamy peanut butter
1/2 cinnamon stick
1/4 teaspoon of red pepper flakes
1/4 teaspoon of cayenne pepper
1 beef bouillon cube
1 cup white wine
12 oz coconut milk (I used the "lite" can)
1/2 cup of water


Directions:
1. Combine water, wine, and coconut milk in the crockpot.
2. Add bouillon cube, cayenne pepper, red pepper flakes, cinnamon stick, peanut butter, curry powder, ginger root, and garlic.
3. Add sliced onion and cubed chicken and mix together.
4. Cook on high for 4 hours (or low for 8) stirring several times while cooking.  


I served it with white rice and garlic naan from Trader Joe's.  It made 8 cups and I had a TON leftover and now have 3 packages in the freezer.  I probably will cut it in half the next time I make it, but we had the possibility of guest for dinner than ended up not being able to join us.  

halcyon: calm; peaceful; tranquil

There might be a theme starting to emerge...granted, I don't know that two days in a row really constitutes a theme but maybe.  Anyway, I am sitting here a little under an hour from the end of this week's Wordy Wednesday and am just now starting to write.

My days lately have been anything but halcyon, but I am trying hard to remember that even during chaos a moment of peace and calm can be found if I am search for it.  Tonight, my cup of peppermint tea and writing is where my halcyon moment will be found.  And I am sure tomorrow will bring more chaos in both familiar and unfamiliar ways but I am just as sure that I will look for a tranquil moment...and I will find it.

And because I am kind of out of words that are publish-worthy (versus my ramblings....yea, there is a difference!) ...

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. ~Maya Angelou

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown

It seems like I have had more than a few tough days lately.  There isn't any one thing really, just a combination of a few things that make me just want to scream, "Enough already!"  But instead of yelling, which won't really do me any good, I decided that perhaps it is time to take the wise yet anonymous advice above and list some of the good.

So...here was what was good in my day:
1. a non-fat steamer with sugar-free caramel syrup
2. someone told me that they missed me...and it surprised me
3. my chiropractor was impressed with my progress with my shoulder
4. a huge, fresh salad for dinner
5. an easy morning getting Taelin ready for daycare
6. making time to blog
7. having cough drops in my purse when I needed one
8. started a new book...and it is really good already

And just for good measure...

Why not learn to enjoy the little things-there are so many of them.  ~Author Unknown

Mixed Up Muffins

As Taelin is eating more and more I am finding that I have random leftover bits of things in the frig or cupboard...a half an apple, 1/4 cup of pineapple, part of a box of raisins, partially eaten container of yogurt that she has decided she no longer likes.  You get the picture.  

I HATE throwing food away and so the other day I remembered a recipe for muffins that I cut and paste from some blog at one point that I never got around to trying that would be perfect for all these little leftover things.  I wish I could remember where I got it so I could give it credit, but after searching for sometime I gave up...the internet is a big place.

So, here is the basic recipe:

• 2 cups grain
• 1 tbsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt (optional)
• 1 cup milk or other liquid
• 1 egg 
• Up to 1/3 cup fat or substitute (or 1/2 cup applesauce)
• Up to 1/2 cup sweetener
• Up to 1 cup muffin additions
• spices to complement your additions

Mix dry, add wet, add additions.  Your batter should be sort of lumpy, not too runny; spoonable short of pourable.  Bake at 400 degrees for about 18 minutes.  Makes about one dozen.

Pretty versatile isn't it.  Now, if you like to have things exactly measured out and step by step directions, then this recipe might not be for you.  But for me, it has been great.  I always use applesauce instead of oil just to make it a little more healthy. Here are the 4 kinds I have made so far...but I am really just getting started.

To make cornbread muffins (which I will be doing tonight again).... For my 2 cups of grains I used 1 cup of cornmeal and 1cup of flour. I used 1/4 cup of white sugar and 1/4 of honey for my sweetener.  I used milk for the liquid and then 1/2 cup of corn and 1/2 cup of cheddar cheese as the additions along with probably the 2 tablespoons of leftover green chiles I had. 

One time I used 2 cups of flour, 1/2 cup of yogurt, 1/2 cup of milk, 1/2 cup of white sugar, and for the one cup of additions used leftover crushed pineapple, shredded coconut, and chocolate chips.  

One time I had 2 bananas that were getting mushy but didn't have enough for banana bread.  I used the flour, milk, brown sugar for sweetener and added the smashed banana and peanut butter.  YUM!!!

Last night, I made cinnamon apple muffins.  I used 1 cup of flour, 1 cup of oatmeal, the rest of the yogurt I had and added milk until it equaled a cup.  I used brown sugar for the sweetener and chopped up the apple that Taelin didn't want to finish.  I added raisins to get to a cup of additions and added some cinnamon. I used my new toaster oven and they were so good!

I LOVE this recipe!

"I want to do it by myself!" ~Taelin Crowe

I don't really know if this particular quote really inspires me, but it definitely one I am really hearing ALL THE TIME.  I know in my heart I want Taelin to be an independent and confident girl.  But seriously, right now the phrase has been causing great internal frustration for me.

It is unclear to me whether or not it truly happens proportionally to the hurry that I am in, but it sure seems to.  I keep telling myself to calm down and breathe but it doesn't always help.  I think it is the worst when I know she can't really physically do it for whatever reason.  I know the only way she is going to be able to do whatever it is she is trying to do is to try, but when it is a matter of strength or fine motor skills I wish she would just listen to reason.

I will probably laugh at the simplicity of that last statement in 10 years when we are entering pre-teen age and the idea of reasoning with a two-year old sounds like a better alternative.  I mean, if I am honest with myself, I have never really been one to listen to reason.  For example, I wish the me now could go back to the me of 10 years ago and tell her to listen to the people that were giving her advice, but chances are the me of then would just roll her eyes and think to herself, "I want to do it by myself."

All of this is bringing me to the conclusion that parenting is never really going to get any easier.  There are things that will pass, like temper tantrums (hopefully), but in its place will be something just as challenging.  Just when I think have something figured out, it is like the rules get changed.  That being said, I didn't really expect it to be easy and I hope it doesn't sound like I am complaining.  It is just nice to step back every once and awhile and think about things.

I was scrapbooking with some friends the other day and was working on some pictures from her 2nd birthday and I couldn't believe how much she has changed already. And while there are things like timeouts and tantrums that make me wish 2 would be over (yes, I know, I have been told that 3 is worse...), I know that a year from now I am going to wonder where the time went.

So, I guess I just need to deal with the "I want to do it by myself," and just keep breathing.  And when that doesn't work out, I will just have to do what Taelin does sometimes...put myself in timeout.  I mean really, one minute for each year I am old...no talking and being all by myself?  I could probably handle it.