Be selective in your battles, sometimes peace is better than being right.

I couldn't find the person that said these wise words, but it is where I am right now.  I woke up Friday night/Saturday morning in what I think can only be described as a panic attack.  I was on day 4 of the same headache and had taken a new over the counter medication that got rid of my headache but had so much caffeine in it that I felt like I was literally spinning...only I wasn't.  And honestly, it scared the crap out of me.

Saturday I spent the day scrapbooking with dear friends.  I vented, listened, laughed with my friends and the first time all week I felt a little more myself.  I had a great time spending time doing something I love with people I love.  I was scrapping pictures from earlier this year (March and April) and realized something while I was doing the journaling.  I have a really great life.  Like really great life.  And I was letting crap from work spill over into every part of my brain and had been for awhile.  Even when I haven't been at work all my conversations with friends when they ask me how I have been doing have been about how hard work has been since going back.

Thankfully, it isn't all hard though.  I have some great teachers this year and I feel so lucky to work with them.  They energize me so much as I work alongside them.  It is all the other stuff that is hard.  Stuff that I am just not going to go over again because I just need to work on letting it go.

While, there is one thing that was definitely the tipping point this week if I am being honest the other night has been building up for awhile.  I feel like I am constantly not getting enough done.  Like constantly.  And today, I am claiming myself back.

I haven't had enough of the following things in the last few months and I am vowing today that I am getting it back...

*Enough Sleep  It is ridiculous to think that I can do all I am trying to do on less than 6 hours of sleep.

*Healthy Fuel I need to follow the same nutritional standard for myself that I have for Taelin.

*Exercise  I have been to the gym a total of 3 times since mid-August.  3 times.  I can do better and will be going later today once Joe is up.

*Decontamination  I am not talking about my frig (although that could probably use some attention) but I am talking about putting my work bag in the closet when I get home and leaving it there until I need to work. Saying I am not going to bring work home just isn't a reality this year but not walking by it constantly reminding me that I have work that needs to get done can be something I can do. Thank you Michael Grinder. (Hold on a minute while I go and do that.)

*Peaceful Home I need to get back into the routine of having a clean house.  I need to start using the system that has worked in the past so that when I am home I know what I need to do instead of mentally feeling like I am never done.  In order for this to happen, I am going to have to ask for help from Joe and Taelin.  Help that I think they will happily give to get their wife and mother back.  Walking through a clean space vs a messy one will make a HUGE difference.

*Writing  I have said it before and it is so true.  I need to be writing more.  In order to write more I need to make time for it.  I makes such a difference in my overall centeredness.  And while, I think I will keep sharing my photo posts out to Facebook, I think I am going to keep posts like this one, here. When I put it out there for everyone (I know that seems weird to say since I am putting it on the freakin' internet.) it feels less therapeutic for me. I feel like I can be less "me".

*Letting Go Out of all of these, there is not one that is going to be harder for me than this one.  I can only control what is within my control and other people's action are not.  I am so lucky in so many ways I need to bloody remember that.  I think while my "one little word" this year is supposed to be 'grace' I am bring back last year's word, 'peace'.