Stumbling Blocks vs. Stepping Stones
I can't really go to work anymore without hearing or feeling something in terms of the school budget. It is an absolutely rough time to be a teacher in Salem-Keizer. Not one person has been left unaffected by the cuts that have already been made and it is projected to get worse before it gets better. Along with job related stress, it seems that there are so many around me that have "life" related stress. It sometimes seems too hard to listen to.
I have been so lucky to have the job I have had this year. It really has brought me a lot of joy, and has allowed me to be the mom I want to be to Taelin which adds a richness to my life that can't be measured. I have built relationships and, in some cases, friendships that I hope will extend passed this year. I really am lucky.
But at this point, I am concerned about my ability to sustain my energy for the rest of the year. I feel myself everyday I work feeling more helpless as I wait for the next piece of bad news. I rack my brain as I am walking down the hallway to the next classroom, hoping that something helpful will come out of my mouth...or least something that is not harmful. I am worry that I won't be able to fill myself up with enough so that I have enough to give the next day.
It is hard to think of the difficult times, current and coming, and consider that they are stepping stones. It implies that something positive is going to come out of all this and I just find that hard to believe. I almost find it insulting to those around me in pain. But I guess it comes back to trying to find the good in the middle of all the bad. One of my teachers got a full-time job as a kindergarten teacher at a private school. Another is considering teaching overseas. Yet another, is taking a year to go live in Germany, figuring that if there is any time in her life that she can do it, it is now. One has decided to go back to graduate school and one even decided to start a family. I guess for them, this whole thing has provided them a stepping stone to whatever the next chapter is in their life, whether it was in their plan or not. I guess stumbling blocks might not be that bad...as long as you are willing to get back up.
Maybe I just need to keep that in the back of my head in the coming weeks. These rocks, which seem like huge boulders right now, could lead me (or the people around me) to something completely unexpected. And that unexpected thing could turn out to be great. That certainly won't be the first thing out of my mouth as I am talking to other people that are trying to process what this all means for themselves, but maybe that is how I keep myself filled up in order to help other people.
I guess it is all just a choice. And I need to make sure that I choose getting up and moving forward. What an exercise in personal growth this will be.... Hey, wait! Did I really sound half-full there? :)
No comments:
Post a Comment