I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about a decision we were both trying to make. I had actually already made my decision, but I didn't want my choice to necessarily influence hers until I could really figure out what she was thinking. The decision: Whether or not to continue with a set of courses that would result in a writing certificate through a university?
Many of the same things she was considering, were the same things I had considered. There was a significant amount of credit attached to the series of courses. And the credit would essentially be free because of the reimbursement that is allotted to each person in my school district. The advantage of that is credit moves you over on the pay scale, which means you make more money. Those things are clearly huge in terms of why a person would continue.
I have a few pretty close friends that were doing this series of classes and to be honest, that was one of the biggest selling points when I originally signed up. Spending time with people I like that I don't see often talking about one of my favorite things. Seemed like a win-win.
Another factor I considered is the actual work of the classes. It had somewhat changed from the initial "sell" of the courses. I am not a person that is afraid of work, at all, but in this case it became work I wasn't really interested in. You can't really talk about work without talking about time. And time became the biggest issue for me.
Originally the courses were supposed to be through the school year during the evening with a three day writing retreat in the summer. About a month into the first class the schedule changed dramatically. All of the sudden there were 12 days in July and an additionally three days in August. That was the kicker.
I can get more credits later. I can always make more money later. What I can't make more of is time. So, it became an easy decision.
It hasn't been an easy decision for my friend though. I finally shared that I was not going to continue after the current class was done. I don't think my decision helped her any. Some of her circumstances are different and some of her end goals for her career are different. She was feeling much more conflicted than I was. She was feeling like a failure if she quit. I asked her what she would be failing if she didn't quit. She replied, "My family."
I didn't know what more to say to her. I know she knew what I thought about it, mostly based on my own decision. I felt bad that she was feeling conflicted. I wanted their to be something I could say to help her relieve the guilt that she was feeling about failing, but there wasn't. She still hasn't decided and the new class starts this coming week.
I feel like my action, in this case, definitely expresses my priorities. It is clear that my time with Taelin during the summer is a priority. I made my decision and I did it without much inner conflict. Yay me!!! But I think it only fair that I look at the flip side of this quote too.
There are things that I would like to think are priorities but honestly my actions don't necessarily show that. Exercising seems to be the first one that pops into my head. A good night's sleep could probably be thrown in there too. Reading more, eating less....I suppose everyone would have their own little list like this.
My inclination is to beat myself up about those things, until I remember that there was one time (before Taelin was born and John died) that my time and how I spent it wasn't necessarily something that a priority. It wasn't until certain events happened in my life that I started to make changes in what I considered a priority. A perfect example is how much I am working. Never in a million years could you have told the Jodie of 10 years ago that the Jodie of now would not be in a classroom and would only be working half time. Circumstances change and I changed accordingly. This was a fairly big change but not all change needs to be so dramatic (or at least that is what I really want to believe).
These three little words from Gandhi are going to stick with me for awhile I think. It isn't a new concept but perhaps just reframed because of recent events. They could be like my own internal sounding board. And with that, I am going to go and try to get one of those "good night's sleeps" that I talked about a little bit ago.
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