If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

When Taelin woke up on her birthday last month, she started a list of things that were different now that she was 4.  They mostly involved things that she thought she could now do by herself or things that she didn't have to do anymore.  I don't have any proof, but I think she had been generating that list in her head for awhile because she just kind of rattled them off one after the other.  Such a little list maker already!

Most of the things haven't really made a difference one way or the other in our daily routine.  Things like standing on her stool to brush her teeth instead of standing on the counter or brushing her hair by herself, with a final check from me.  If you had to look for a theme surrounding the things on her list, they are all her wanting to be more independent.  That's what I want, right?

I suppose that is mostly true but this morning I will admit that I got a little teary when I rolled over to turn my alarm off and I heard Taelin singing in her bed.  Why, you ask, would that cause me tear up?  Well, mostly because I know those little moments are becoming few and far between.  You see, before turning 4, Taelin stayed in her bed when she woke up and waited for someone, usually me, to come and get her.  It was never anything we told her she had to do.  I, probably like many moms, worried when we changed her crib into a toddler bed that she would be getting up and down all the time.  But she never did.  She stayed in her bed every night after tucking her in and in the morning she would stay in bed until someone came to get her.  

There were many mornings that I would wake up to her singing at the top of her lungs or calling out "Mama...Mama" like a British police car.  I will fully admit that most of those mornings, especially my days home with her, I would lay in bed a little longer to listen to her sing.  Most times they were songs that we sing together, but every once and awhile she would be singing some melody that was completely her own creation.  Those were the mornings that I stayed in bed even longer.  

This morning though I realized that it was the first morning since turning 4 that she was waiting for me and singing to pass the time.  All of the mornings so far since being 4 have been either me waking her up or her just getting up by herself and coming to find me.  So, this morning when I heard Taelin singing, I got teary.  Those mornings that I so loved, are changing.  

And then tonight... 

Remember this picture?

This picture was my photo of the day on January 14.  It is a picture of part of our nighttime routine.  After showering (she rarely takes a bath anymore) she and Joe race to see who gets to pick the first vitamin and after getting hugs and kisses she and I go off to her room.  She picks out a book to read and she sits on my lap as I read.  Then she gets tucked into bed and I sing her a couple of songs.  A couple hugs and kisses and she rolls over to her side to fall asleep.  

It is honestly one of my very favorite parts of my day.  I love the whole thing but my most favorite part of the whole routine (other than watching Joe and Taelin race for vitamins) is reading to her.  And tonight, she decided that she was just going to sit beside me...ya, know...because now she is 4.  

Apparently she is liking her new list of "now that I am 4" and is adding to it but quite frankly, I don't at all.  Most everything was the same and I still got to read to her but it just wasn't the same.  She wasn't snuggled down in my lap with her head leaned up against me.  She wasn't rubbing my leg with her thumb like she usually does and it was harder to plant a kiss on the top of her head when I was turning a page. I couldn't help but get teary when she first sat beside me and told me that "this is where I sit now when we read a story."  

Man, I hope that isn't true.  

It will probably be like the singing.  I doubt that there will never be a time again that she sits on my lap to read a book.  I am sure that there will be loads of times she will want to (I am almost sure that I am sure) but tonight wasn't one of those nights and there were be more like it.  

There will be new things that start to happen, like how every Monday we paint our toenails because she goes to gymnastics and it is more fun to jump on the trampoline when you have pink glitter on your toes.  And all of those new things are going to be great too.  It's just I wish some of the other things would stick around too.  It sounds so cliche, but people are not kidding when they say that the time goes by too fast.

I like butterflies.  But I think tonight I have a whole new appreciation for caterpillars.