I was able to come up with 7 things rather quickly. Some of them are things I have already wrestled with a little bit here on this blog...others, I haven't. I am not sure if the things I am going to list are things that other people would list about me or if there are some that I am missing. Probably...
Anyway, here are the 10 things (I suppose you could call it a Top Ten list) that I don't like about myself and hopefully a little bit of an idea on how to improve them.
Number One: I am too judgmental of others/situations
This one came right away. It is honestly one of the biggest things that makes me crazy about myself. I know from where this particular little gem of my personality originates, which is why I think drives me more nuts than anything else. At this point, I am pretty good at catching myself doing it and stopping my thinking, which is at least something I guess but I would really just like to not be this way. This particular one is going to be a toughie to overcome though.
Number Two: I commit to too much.
I used to be a huge workaholic. It was nothing to work 10-12 hour days (or sometimes more). I loved being the person that people came to when they needed something done. I didn't know how to say no and honestly, I didn't really want to. Having Taelin has certainly helped with that in the work department (mostly), but there are still other aspects of my life where I tend to over commit. I need to think of Nancy Reagan and "Just Say No!" I have gotten better, but need to keep working on it...mostly because committing to too much or saying no leads to number 3.
Number Three: I feel way too guilty, way too often.
Let me clear it up right now that over committing is not the only thing that can lead to guilt. It is kind of a square/rectangle thing; you know, all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. I do try really hard not to feel guilty about things so much....but it doesn't always work and then I feel bad...ack! See, it is a horrible, horrible cycle! Not all guilt is bad really, if there is something that I really did screw up it would be reasonable to feel bad about it, like a missed meeting or forgetting to do something I said I would do. But even then, I guess I really need to start thinking about what purpose that guilt really serves? If other people are willing to forgive me (which is usually the case) maybe I should work on extending myself the same courtesy.
Number Four: I too often see the glass half empty instead of half full.
Anyway, here are the 10 things (I suppose you could call it a Top Ten list) that I don't like about myself and hopefully a little bit of an idea on how to improve them.
Number One: I am too judgmental of others/situations
This one came right away. It is honestly one of the biggest things that makes me crazy about myself. I know from where this particular little gem of my personality originates, which is why I think drives me more nuts than anything else. At this point, I am pretty good at catching myself doing it and stopping my thinking, which is at least something I guess but I would really just like to not be this way. This particular one is going to be a toughie to overcome though.
Number Two: I commit to too much.
I used to be a huge workaholic. It was nothing to work 10-12 hour days (or sometimes more). I loved being the person that people came to when they needed something done. I didn't know how to say no and honestly, I didn't really want to. Having Taelin has certainly helped with that in the work department (mostly), but there are still other aspects of my life where I tend to over commit. I need to think of Nancy Reagan and "Just Say No!" I have gotten better, but need to keep working on it...mostly because committing to too much or saying no leads to number 3.
Number Three: I feel way too guilty, way too often.
Let me clear it up right now that over committing is not the only thing that can lead to guilt. It is kind of a square/rectangle thing; you know, all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. I do try really hard not to feel guilty about things so much....but it doesn't always work and then I feel bad...ack! See, it is a horrible, horrible cycle! Not all guilt is bad really, if there is something that I really did screw up it would be reasonable to feel bad about it, like a missed meeting or forgetting to do something I said I would do. But even then, I guess I really need to start thinking about what purpose that guilt really serves? If other people are willing to forgive me (which is usually the case) maybe I should work on extending myself the same courtesy.
Number Four: I too often see the glass half empty instead of half full.
I actually think I am getting better about this one, largely in part because of my list and this blog. BUT, there are still times (especially in those of stress) where I go back to the default of pessimism. I need to work on making my default optimism. We are actually talking about this every month at work. I have a sticky note on my computer monitor at work that says "Gratitude not Griping" and "Spend Time with the Right People." I am working on it...
Number Five: My weight
This is probably fairly obvious to any kind of regular reader of his blog. I have a plan and I am working on it. And that is all I have to say about that.
Number Six: Plays it safe most of the time
I am not a risk taker...at all. In some ways this doesn't really bother me, BUT I know it bothers other people (in particular my husband) so it is something that I am trying to be better about. It is the planner in me that doesn't like to take risks. For some reason I feel like if I make a decision, then I have to stick with it. Most of the time, that isn't the case. Safety, emotional and physical, is important...but not always at the cost of missing out. It is surely a balance...one that I will continue to stretch myself achieving.
Number Seven: I holds grudges, sometimes without the people really knowing it.
This particular personality flaw needs some work. Letting go of things is really hard for me, especially if I feel that me or someone I love has been wronged in some way. I am not really talking about completely cutting people out of my life (although that has happened...for the better, I think) but I guess just not completely trusting someone again after something has happened. It is much more internal than external, luckily, but there are many people in my life that have show me forgiveness for past transgressions, perhaps I need to work on that a little more. I just remembered this little post...clearly this is something I need to continue to work on.
Number Eight: Get unreasonable annoyed by very vocal religious people, no matter the faith.
Honestly, this is probably the most ridiculous and embarrassing one on the list. It should make NO difference to me what people believe and how they choose to share that belief. I, probably solely based on my own experience, feel very cynical about the whole idea of faith and religion and really just need to get over it. Even Facebook status updates can make me roll my eyes...it is not cool. I just need to work on just letting it pass me by. I have tried to avoid too much talk about faith on this blog because I know it is an important part of other people's lives, but I can't be honest about this list without having this a part of it.
Number Nine: I worry too much.
I worry way too much about just about everything. And then I worry about worrying about too much. It isn't a sort of thing where I need to medicated or anything, but there isn't a day that goes by that I haven't worried about at least a handful of things. Some are reasonable to worry about, others not so much. But regardless of whether they are big or little, worrying about them hasn't gotten me much other than a headache (and feeding my pessimism). I don't think it is reasonable to stop worrying about things altogether, but I certainly could reduce my worrying a little bit.
Number Ten: I am too hard on myself.
So, if you have stuck with me this long you might remember at the beginning of this post that I said that there were seven things that I came up with pretty quickly. This was actually number seven until I read the partial list to Joe and asked if he could think of anything else he knew I would want to put on the list. He looked at me after I said this one and said, "I don't really know but I think being too hard on yourself might need to be number 10." Hmm...well...yes, maybe. I am a little self-critical but also want to make sure that I am continuing to try to make myself a better mother, wife, friend and overall person.
I guess cutting myself a break and a little self-forgiveness might serve me a little bit in working on this list. I mean, really, who would want to be my friend after reading this list! Yikes!!!!!! Okay, I promise in the next week I will work on a better kind of list that would want people proud to know me. But, I also think it is important to see the things in ourselves we don't like (and are probably the things that other people don't like about us so much) and try to improve.
Number Seven: I holds grudges, sometimes without the people really knowing it.
This particular personality flaw needs some work. Letting go of things is really hard for me, especially if I feel that me or someone I love has been wronged in some way. I am not really talking about completely cutting people out of my life (although that has happened...for the better, I think) but I guess just not completely trusting someone again after something has happened. It is much more internal than external, luckily, but there are many people in my life that have show me forgiveness for past transgressions, perhaps I need to work on that a little more. I just remembered this little post...clearly this is something I need to continue to work on.
Number Eight: Get unreasonable annoyed by very vocal religious people, no matter the faith.
Honestly, this is probably the most ridiculous and embarrassing one on the list. It should make NO difference to me what people believe and how they choose to share that belief. I, probably solely based on my own experience, feel very cynical about the whole idea of faith and religion and really just need to get over it. Even Facebook status updates can make me roll my eyes...it is not cool. I just need to work on just letting it pass me by. I have tried to avoid too much talk about faith on this blog because I know it is an important part of other people's lives, but I can't be honest about this list without having this a part of it.
Number Nine: I worry too much.
I worry way too much about just about everything. And then I worry about worrying about too much. It isn't a sort of thing where I need to medicated or anything, but there isn't a day that goes by that I haven't worried about at least a handful of things. Some are reasonable to worry about, others not so much. But regardless of whether they are big or little, worrying about them hasn't gotten me much other than a headache (and feeding my pessimism). I don't think it is reasonable to stop worrying about things altogether, but I certainly could reduce my worrying a little bit.
Number Ten: I am too hard on myself.
So, if you have stuck with me this long you might remember at the beginning of this post that I said that there were seven things that I came up with pretty quickly. This was actually number seven until I read the partial list to Joe and asked if he could think of anything else he knew I would want to put on the list. He looked at me after I said this one and said, "I don't really know but I think being too hard on yourself might need to be number 10." Hmm...well...yes, maybe. I am a little self-critical but also want to make sure that I am continuing to try to make myself a better mother, wife, friend and overall person.
I guess cutting myself a break and a little self-forgiveness might serve me a little bit in working on this list. I mean, really, who would want to be my friend after reading this list! Yikes!!!!!! Okay, I promise in the next week I will work on a better kind of list that would want people proud to know me. But, I also think it is important to see the things in ourselves we don't like (and are probably the things that other people don't like about us so much) and try to improve.
The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart.
~Julien Green
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