This weekend is going to be a hustle and bustle of fun with family and friends. Nana is flying in from Spokane tomorrow and my sister and Charlie are driving down from Seattle. Taelin decided she wants to go have Mexican food for dinner on Friday and I am curious to see how she reacts to the loud singing and shaking tambourines when they come to sing "Happy Birthday" to her at the table. I wonder I am going to react. (I have cried every time we have "officially" sang on years 1, 2 and 3....I doubt this year will be different.)
Saturday we have even more family coming down from Portland, as well as some of our close friends, for Taelin's official birthday party. We originally had 6 other kids coming but sadly, we are down to 2 and Taelin. I think though that Taelin will have fun....all of her favorite people are going to be in one place. It is going to be the most awesome museum party ever. Pictures will definitely follow this weekend.
I am sure that before I know it that the next couple of days will be over. And while Taelin is so excited to turn 4, I am having mixed feelings. On one hand, I am so incredibly proud of the person she is. Of course she is a preschooler and has an unpredictable nature in different situations that is going to give her lots of opportunity to learn . She has taught me more in the last 4 years about the kind of person that I want to be than I think I had even learned in any of my years previous. I am excited to see what '4' will bring!
On the other hand, Taelin turning 4 makes me sad. If I thought that there was any part left of my baby this time last year, the baby is gone now for sure. It seems so cliche to say "Time goes by so fast." but man...4 years already. Never again will I have a 3 year old. Clearly we have been getting closer to this day but there is just something so permanent about the whole thing that makes me tear up every time I think about it.
There have been a lot of, "Well, when I am 4 I am not going to be able to (enter cute adorable thing) anymore," or "You know Mama, when I am 4 I am going to be able to (enter thing that I am used to doing for her) without your help." The other day she came out of her room completely dress all by herself from her night pull-up and nightgown to ready to go out the door. She doesn't really need me for that anymore. And my heart breaks a little bit.
But I am trying to focus on what is great about this birthday. Celebrate the person she is and who she is going to be this coming year. She still needs me, it is just in a different way. I cling to that, hoping that it will always be true.
I love her with everything I am and I hope that she knows that. I think she does. What an amazing little girl I have. I am so grateful every day that I get to be her Mama.
It is 12:02 a.m. I officially am a Mama of a 4 year old.
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