Shepherd's Pie

Leftover mashed potatoes...what to do, what to do?  I am not a huge leftover's fan unless I can re-purpose and turn it into something different than it was.  I am trying to be better, really I am, but the amount of mashed potatoes we had left from Thanksgiving required some outside the box thinking...which brought me to Shepherd's Pie.  

About 5 years ago, I went to Washington D.C. as a representative of Oregon Writing Project to lobby (I guess) for financial support.  There were two other people (that I had never met until going) from Oregon from different universities and so when I went I was all by myself.  I got in pretty late and it was dark and not knowing the area at all I wasn't about to venture out for dinner.  I was staying at a Irish themed hotel and so I ordered room service.  I ordered Shepherd's Pie and it was honestly one of the best things I have ever eaten. I had tried to make it before at home with ground beef, mashed potatoes and I think corn and once I ate the Shepherd's Pie from the hotel I never made it like that again. 

There are a lot of different recipes for Shepherd's Pie out there, most of them containing ground beef.  Joe isn't a huge ground beef fan unless it is burgers, meatloaf, meatballs or tacos and the one I eaten had the most tender beef chunks ever so I wanted something that replicated that.  If you don't know what it is, there is essentially two layers: the bottom layer that meat and vegetables with some kind of gravy and the top layer is mashed potatoes.  After looking at a few different recipes, here's what I came up with...

Ingredients

Bottom Layer:

olive oil

1 1/2 cup of carrots, coined

1 small onion, chopped

2 cloves of minced garlic

1 lb stew meat

1 tablespoon of flour

1 tsp oregano

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp black pepper

28 oz can of diced tomatoes

1 cup of Coke

1/2 cup of peas

Top Layer:

4 cups leftover mashed potatoes

1/3 cup sour cream

1/4 cup cheddar cheese

1 cup of milk

Directions:

Bottom Layer

1. Saute the carrots, onions and garlic in a little olive oil until the carrots are softened but before the garlic burns.  (Still getting used to my gas stove....have no idea how long that took.) Remove from pan and set aside.

2. Add a little more olive oil to the pan and then add the stew meat browning it on all sides.

3. Once the meat is browned, add the flour and spices.  Cook for 2-3 minutes to get rid of the flour taste.

4. Add back in the carrots, onions, and garlic as well as the diced tomatoes.  Cook for a few minutes.

5. Add 1 cup of Coke (or whatever cola you have) and turn down to a simmer for 30 minutes.

6. Add peas after 30 minutes and then take off the heat.

 

During the 30 minutes the bottom layer is simmering...prepare the top layer.

1. Combine and reheat the mashed potatoes, cheese, sour cream and milk.  (You could probably do without the cheese and sour cream but the cheese was low-fat and the sour cream was fat free and it makes it oh-so-good!)

Once the two layers are ready....

*This recipe as it is would fit into a 9 x 13 pan but there are only 2 of us that really eat. Taelin is hit and miss when it comes to eating what we eat and plus I have already discussed my feelings about leftovers and a 9 x 13 pan would make a lot of leftovers.  Last year I purchased two smaller casserole dishes that if put together are the same size as a 9 x 13 pan that work really well when I am making a recipe that will freeze well.  One gets eaten right away and the other ends up in the freezer for some other night.  Same amount of work...a much easier night down the road!

Anyway...once the two layers are done put the bottom layer into the casserole dish/es and spread evenly.  Then spoon the potatoes on top. You have to be careful when you do this because what you want is an even layer of mashed potatoes on the top. In order to do this, I put smaller spoonfuls all over the bottom layer and just spread them out that way.  

Once the mashed potatoes are evenly spread, bake the whole dish in the oven to bake for about 20-30 minutes. Everything is pretty much cooked but you do want to leave it in long enough so that the potatoes brown a little bit, kind of like forming a crust.  

The Verdict:

Overall, it was pretty good.  It took a long time to make and I was lucky that Joe was home and that it was a Sunday when I made this.  I could make this again as is and would be happy....however, next time I might do two things a little differently.

First, I would probably just used shredded beef from either leftover pot roast or the shredded beef I keep in the freezer.  There just wasn't enough beef per bite and it took a really long time to prepare as it stands.  Using what I already have saves me time and in the case of using leftover pot roast...it uses leftovers! (I could even see me purposefully planned pot roast and something else with mashed potatoes in the same week so that I could later make Shepherd's Pie.)

Second, the coke made it a little sweeter than I wanted it to be.  I could see either cutting the coke in half and using beef broth to make up the other half OR using a Guinness if I had it.    

I wasn't near as a good as the one I had in Washington D.C. but maybe that is alright! 

Balsamic Garlic Pork Tenderloin

I have been trying to branch out a little with cooking because I realized as I was menu planning one week that there was a lot of chicken and a lot of beef, a little bit of meatless meals and that was it.  So, I went off to see if I could find some pork recipes.  When looking for recipes, it is important to me to have lean meat because it is healthy and it is important to Joe because he can't stand any kind of fat on his meat. (I don't really like picking through the fat either...but for Joe it is a texture thing I think.)


Anyway, I went off searching on Pinterest and found a recipe for pork tenderloin that basically marinates all day long.  I made a few changes to the marinade to make it a little more healthy and it came out wonderfully!  Joe really liked and Taelin kept asking for more and more...so it is definitely going into the rotation. 


Ingredients
1 lb pork tenderloin

1 tsp salt

3 tsp of minced garlic

1 Tbsp of olive oil

1/4 tsp of black pepper

2 Tbsp of balsamic vinegar

Directions

1.Combine and mix well, all the ingredients except the pork. Once they are mixed well, add the pork. (I just used a glass bowl with plastic wrap over the top.  

2. Marinate for at least 6-8 hours, turning the pork occasionally.

3. In a oven safe pan, sear the outside of the pork on each side.  Then transfer to an 400 degree oven for 20-30 minutes.  (internal temperature should be 160 degrees)

4. Let rest for 10 minutes before slicing.  

We had spinach salad along with the pork and when Taelin saw me pour some balsamic vinegar on my  salad, she asked for some of the "dip dip".  ("Dip dip for those of you that don't know is any kind of sauce that something might be dipped in.  Ketchup was the original "dip dip" but there are many varieties; salsa is "spicy dip dip", mustard is "yellow dip dip", A-1 sauce is "tangy dip dip" are just a few. I know I should probably correct her and tell her the real names of all the things she is eating but it is too bloody cute.  I promise that before she has to go to school and potentially be embarrassed by calling something by the wrong name that I will rectify the problem.)

Anyway, Taelin dipped each piece of the pork she ate in the balsamic vinegar which got me thinking that the next time I make it, it might be kind of nice to make some kind of reduced sauce for the pork.  I thought it had great flavor all on it's own without anything extra.  I think it would be even better grilled and probably would have done that originally had it not been pouring down rain.  There will probably be different variations of this dish along the way, but it is definitely a keeper!

impedimenta: baggage or other things that retard one's progress, as supplies carried by an army

So, not too surprisingly, I was correct in thinking that once my classes at Willamette started up that Wordy Wednesday would get pushed all around.  However, I am still going to try and aim for Wednesday's and am going to try and plan ahead for the next few weeks.  This week though I am late...4 days late.  I guess better late than never?

This week the remodel is finally finished!!!!  I am so excited to have it all done but the big chore of putting everything back together was...well...a big chore.  I thought through the years that I had done a good job of decreasing the amount of "stuff" we have but I am finding that isn't really the case.  We had to pile a lot of things in other rooms so this little remodel feels like it has turned into one big house reorganization. I really do feel like all the impedimenta that has piled up in the guest room/garage/closets is making this whole thing even more difficult.  I am really trying to subscribe to the "a place for everything and everything in it's place" philosophy.  Apparently right now the bed in the guest room is the place for many things.

I have purposefully scheduled a gingerbread house decorating party for next Saturday which will force me to keep working instead of closing the door and pretending that everything is clean.  I know I have promised already, but I really do promise pictures of all the changes once I get everything in it's place!

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston Churchill

I have dreamed about writing this blog post....for a long while. I never really got very far into writing it in my dream, but I imagined myself sitting down to write it, and it is finally here.

I am proud to say that at my weigh-in tonight, I lost 3 pounds.  And with that loss, I officially have lost a total of 100 pounds.

It has not been easy.  It has been a humbling, and at times, a humiliating journey.  There have been times I have wanted to give up.  There are times I did give up.   If you had asked me 2 1/2 years ago if I was going to be able to do it, I would have probably said, "Doubtful."  But somewhere, somehow, I found the courage and the strength to keep going.  I have beat myself and forgiven myself more than I can even remember.  But I did it....and I am not done yet.

But before I get too far ahead of myself, I want to celebrate a little.

I have lost 100 pounds.  It is crazy to think that I probably wouldn't be able to actually carry a 100 pound weight very far, but that I was carrying that every single day on my body.

I have lost 100 pounds.  And I have lost the hurt and shame I felt when I carried that 100 pounds with me.

I have lost 100 pounds.  It is easier to see myself; not just in the mirror but the what is really in my heart.

I have lost 100 pounds and it feels amazing.

Caruso's Italian Cafe & Wine Bar

I was making Chicken Marsala the other night for dinner and realized that I had not blogged about a new restaurant that I had gone to the end of October.  Looking back, I was probably pretty tired because it was just a week after Joe's surgery and at that point I was still getting up every four hours to make sure he was taking the right dosage of pain pills and muscle relaxants.  So grateful that time has passed...

Anyway, I had missed the September's Girls Night Out and was determined not to miss the October.  We headed out to Keizer because one of the 5 of us lives out there and is always coming into Salem.  I think Caruso's has been there for at least a few years, but because it is a bit of a drive Joe and I haven't ventured that way.  It is also very likely that it has only been in existence since Taelin has been born...and it is NOT a place I would take a small child.

It is a beautiful restaurant that reminds me a lot of a place you might go for an anniversary or Valentine's Day.  A place to get dressed up and have a quiet night away from the everyday hustle and bustle.  I had Chicken Marsala, which is why me cooking the other night reminding of this missing post.  It came with risotto and a spinach/Parmesan cake kind-of-thing.  I didn't eat the spinach/cake thing because I wasn't really interested in it and one of my friends thought hers was delicious...so off my plate it went!  I liked the dish okay, but decided that I am more partial to non-creamy Chicken Marsala.  The risotto was AMAZING...which means I have it on my "recipes I want to try" list.

I don't remember at this point what everyone else had, but I know that everyone was happy with their food.  There were really two drawbacks for us in terms of being a good place for our Girl's Night Out.  First was that they were only open from 5-9, so we shut the place down.  It just isn't designed to be a place where you can come and stay for a really long time.  The second, is that is a very quite restaurant.  Not bad if you were there staring into the eyes of someone your love....kind of bad if you want to tell hilarious stories about the inappropriate things our kids say!

Overall, pretty good food with a great atmosphere!

Roasted Carrot Coins

Joe is not a guy that likes a lot of vegetables.  When we first lived together I think canned corn and canned green beans were all that he would eat....green salad, sometimes.  I have been working on him and I have to say that he has come a long way.  At this point, he eats way more raw vegetables than cooked (which I think actually might be better for you) but usually I eat raw vegetables during the day and I like my dinner to be hot food.  So, I have been on the hunt for easy, vegetable sides that I can serve with dinner.  

There a lot of side dishes out there, but many of them have cream or butter or both and that just isn't going to fly in this house anymore.  Another trend I saw in vegetable recipes is that they had 12 ingredients and 20 steps, seriously...who has time for that?!?  So when I saw a recipe on Pinterest for Roasted Carrot Coins I knew I had to try it.  I hate to even call it a recipe because there are seriously only 4 ingredients and two steps...but I am counting it.  

I changed the amount of oil but other than that I used this recipe from what is actually a blog that focuses on helping get easy healthy recipes for kids while involving them in the kitchen.

Ingredients

2 cups of carrots, cut into coins

2 teaspoons of oil

1/4 teaspoon of paprika

1/4 teaspoon of course salt

Directions

1. Combine all the ingredients. (Hard to follow I know....)

2. Roasted in oven for 30 minutes at 400 degrees.  (I actually used my toaster oven and they were done in 20 minutes)

They got a thumbs up from Joe!  In the rotation they go....

10 things I don't like about myself....and a few ideas I have to change.

     Number 9 on my list is to list 10 things that I don't like about myself and figure out a way to improve on them.  It comes right at Number 8, which is to list 50 things that I do like about myself.  Apparently I was wanting to look somewhat fair, but luckily decided to focus on the good more than the bad...which actually is a tad surprising given number 4 on the following list.  Anyway, for some reason the other night I started to think about making up this list.

     I was able to come up with 7 things rather quickly.  Some of them are things I have already wrestled with a little bit here on this blog...others, I haven't.  I am not sure if the things I am going to list are things that other people would list about me or if there are some that I am missing.  Probably...
   
Anyway, here are the 10 things (I suppose you could call it a Top Ten list) that I don't like about myself and hopefully a little bit of an idea on how to improve them.


Number One: I am too judgmental of others/situations
     This one came right away.  It is honestly one of the biggest things that makes me crazy about myself.  I know from where this particular little gem of my personality originates, which is why I think drives me more nuts than anything else.  At this point, I am pretty good at catching myself doing it and stopping my thinking, which is at least something I guess but I would really just like to not be this way.  This particular one is going to be a toughie to overcome though.


Number Two: I commit to too much.
    I used to be a huge workaholic.  It was nothing to work 10-12 hour days (or sometimes more).  I loved being the person that people came to when they needed something done.  I didn't know how to say no and honestly, I didn't really want to.  Having Taelin has certainly helped with that in the work department (mostly), but there are still other aspects of my life where I tend to over commit. I need to think of Nancy Reagan and "Just Say No!"  I have gotten better, but need to keep working on it...mostly because committing to too much or saying no leads to number 3.


Number Three: I feel way too guilty, way too often.
    Let me clear it up right now that over committing is not the only thing that can lead to guilt.  It is kind of a square/rectangle thing; you know, all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. I do try really hard not to feel guilty about things so much....but it doesn't always work and then I feel bad...ack!  See, it is a horrible, horrible cycle!  Not all guilt is bad really, if there is something that I really did screw up it would be reasonable to feel bad about it, like a missed meeting or forgetting to do something I said I would do.  But even then, I guess I really need to start thinking about what purpose that guilt really serves? If other people are willing to forgive me (which is usually the case) maybe I should work on extending myself the same courtesy.


Number Four: I too often see the glass half empty instead of half full.

   I actually think I am getting better about this one, largely in part because of my list and this blog.  BUT, there are still times (especially in those of stress) where I go back to the default of pessimism.  I need to work on making my default optimism.  We are actually talking about this every month at work.  I have a sticky note on my computer monitor at work that says "Gratitude not Griping" and "Spend Time with the Right People."  I am working on it...

Number Five: My weight

   This is probably fairly obvious to any kind of regular reader of his blog.  I have a plan and I am working on it.  And that is all I have to say about that.

Number Six: Plays it safe most of the time

    I am not a risk taker...at all. In some ways this doesn't really bother me, BUT I know it bothers other people (in particular my husband) so it is something that I am trying to be better about.  It is the planner in me that doesn't like to take risks.  For some reason I feel like if I make a decision, then I have to stick with it.  Most of the time, that isn't the case.  Safety, emotional and physical, is important...but not always at the cost of missing out.  It is surely a balance...one that I will continue to stretch myself achieving.

Number Seven: I holds grudges, sometimes without the people really knowing it.
    This particular personality flaw needs some work.  Letting go of things is really hard for me, especially if I feel that me or someone I love has been wronged in some way.  I am not really talking about completely cutting people out of my life (although that has happened...for the better, I think) but I guess just not completely trusting someone again after something has happened.  It is much more internal than external, luckily, but there are many people in my life that have show me forgiveness for past transgressions, perhaps I need to work on that a little more.  I just remembered this little post...clearly this is something I need to continue to work on.


Number Eight: Get unreasonable annoyed by very vocal religious people, no matter the faith.
    Honestly, this is probably the most ridiculous and embarrassing one on the list.  It should make NO difference to me what people believe and how they choose to share that belief.  I, probably solely based on my own experience, feel very cynical about the whole idea of faith and religion and really just need to get over it.  Even Facebook status updates can make me roll my eyes...it is not cool.  I just need to work on just letting it pass me by.  I have tried to avoid too much talk about faith on this blog because I know it is an important part of other people's lives, but I can't be honest about this list without having this a part of it.  


Number Nine:  I worry too much.
    I worry way too much about just about everything.  And then I worry about worrying about too much.  It isn't a sort of thing where I need to medicated or anything, but there isn't a day that goes by that I haven't worried about at least a handful of things.  Some are reasonable to worry about, others not so much.  But regardless of whether they are big or little, worrying about them hasn't gotten me much other than a headache (and feeding my pessimism).  I don't think it is reasonable to stop worrying about things altogether, but I certainly could reduce my worrying a little bit.  


Number Ten: I am too hard on myself.
    So, if you have stuck with me this long you might remember at the beginning of this post that I said that there were seven things that I came up with pretty quickly.  This was actually number seven until I read the partial list to Joe and asked if he could think of anything else he knew I would want to put on the list.  He looked at me after I said this one and said, "I don't really know but I think being too hard on yourself might need to be number 10."  Hmm...well...yes, maybe.  I am a little self-critical but also want to make sure that I am continuing to try to make myself a better mother, wife, friend and overall person. 


I guess cutting myself a break and a little self-forgiveness might serve me a little bit in working on this list.  I mean, really, who would want to be my friend after reading this list!  Yikes!!!!!!  Okay, I promise in the next week I will work on a better kind of list that would want people proud to know me.  But, I also think it is important to see the things in ourselves we don't like (and are probably the things that other people don't like about us so much) and try to improve.

The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart. 

~Julien Green

Blue, Growth, Child, Smile....The Beginning of 100 Snapshots

A little while ago I did some revising of my list.  One of the things I added was 100 Snapshots.  The idea is pretty simple, they gave 100 words for people to capture a picture.  A person can interpret each word for themselves however they see appropriate.  Just a low pressure way of getting better at taking pictures.

I have been trying (kind of) to become better at taking photos.  Right now, I am really trying to pay attention to the "rule of thirds" as well as thinking about what is in the background of my picture.  (I don't want the lamp post coming out of a head, as my sister put it.)  Sometimes I pay closer attention to it than others, mostly depending on of what I am taking a picture. For instance, Halloween, I didn't mess around too much because I knew it was a "This is the only time she will be 2 for a Halloween." kind of a situation.  But today, I needed to rake leaves so I took my camera out with me and was able to fuss with a few things.  If you look at my photos now they are better than they used to be, but my goal isn't to make it a side business or anything remotely like that; I just want to become better at capturing the moments in life.

So, without much more...here are the first four on the list of 100.  (I sure seem to be drawn to lists....)

10. Blue

Crater Lake

12. Growth

My poor excuse for a garden this year was pretty much just this one tomato plant that maybe produced 10 tomatoes.

18. Child

Just happens to be my favorite child...

67. Smile

A 2 year old on Halloween...of course there is a smile!

Wordy Wednesday: 2 days late

I have been collecting words for this week's installment of Wordy Wednesday since last Sunday.  But here it is Friday night (late) and I am just getting to them now.  My collection started because of a book that I am reading for a class I am taking at Willamette University for a writing certificate program.  This year is the first year of the program and when I signed up I didn't really know what I was signing up for. I knew that it was affiliated with Oregon Writer's Project which is near and dear to my heart.  I also knew that I had some good friends signing up.  I then found out that most of the credits were going to be paid for and that sealed the deal.
For future reference, I may want to find a little more out about something that I am going to be spending a huge chunk of time doing.  Because I didn't really have any expectations, I was a little shocked to find out that the series of classes is focused primarily on teacher research (inquiry based).  In order to get an understanding of what that all means, we were assigned a book to read for our first course; Inquiry as Stance by Marilyn Cochran-Smith and Susan L. Lytle.
When the book arrived from Amazon, I didn't give it much thought other than reminding myself to take it to our first class.  Then at some point during the first class, the instructor (who I respect greatly and would consider very intelligent) said, "I had to have a dictionary beside me when I read this book."  It was at that point that the book got my attention.  Here is the list of words that I didn't know....

dialectic: the art or practice of logical discussion as employed in investigating the truth of a theory or opinion
palimpsest: a parchment or the like from which writing has been partially or completely erased to make room for another text
counter-hegemonic: a confrontation and/or opposition to existing status quo and its legitimacy
hegemony: leadership; predominance
reify: to convert into or regard as a concrete thing
assuage: to make milder or less severe; relieve; ease; mitigate
grist: a quantity or lot
inviolable: incapable of being violated; incorruptible; unassailable
epistemology: a branch of philosophy that investigates the origin, nature, methods, and limits of human knowledge.
parlance: a way or manner of speaking; vernacular
antithetical: directly opposed or contrasted; opposite

To give myself a little credit, there were some that I looked up I realized that I recognized a root word or had figured out what the word meant by the context clues.  Others though, just reminded me how limited my vocabulary really is.  For instance, Joe (the English major) knew all but one of them. I doubt I would find myself really using any of these, at least in any kind of confident manor, but I did want to have a place to record them since they were new words to me!

As for the book, I appreciate the author's viewpoint in many cases.  They regard teachers highly and place much faith in a teacher's ability to be a change agent within the system.  I want to believe what they say is true.  The cynic in me is not convinced though.  What they are suggesting would be amazing; it is amazing if you consider the examples they give.  But before I get too carried away with what I think about it all (which isn't really much) I need to remember that what the authors are suggesting is what I am going to be asked to do throughout the writing certificate program.  So, for tonight, all I am going to leave you with is my list of words.

(one for this week and ten to count towards the 24 I still needed to make up...leaving 14 more to make up)

A Moment of Gratitude

Earlier this evening I was thinking of all the things I needed to do.  There were so many things that I didn't think I even had time to write them all down.  Hours later and many of those things done (and a few of them added to tomorrow's list) I decided that I needed to spend a few moments on all I am grateful for today.  So, in no particular order....

1.  Joe's successful surgery: He is feeling so much better and is so much more himself.  He is healing nicely and is doing most of the daily things fairly well.  He has a regiment of stretches he needs to do daily and another follow up appointment in a month, but if you compare where he was a month ago to now...it is amazing.

2. A finished kitchen:  I am sure I will do a more complete post on this sometime soon so I can show pictures, but today the contractors put the finishing touches on the kitchen.  There is still some work to do in the other rooms that will have to wait until the contractors come back from their grandmother's funeral (She was 100 years old!), but right now I have a stove and oven to cook on, a sink with running water, a dishwasher to make cleaning up easier and a new frig complete with ice and water dispenser.  What a relief!  I am SO ready to cook this week!

3.  A day off with Taelin without a huge "to-do list":  While I had a huge list of things I needed to accomplish, my day off with Taelin today had very little "to-do's".  We did go grocery shopping, that included a pre-shopping stop at Starbucks, and did a few loads of laundry, but we also read a giant pile of books, made some adorable art (using a half of bottle of liquid glue), sang songs, played with babies (she named one after our contractor), built and tore down Legos,  and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.  It was brilliant.

4. A relaxing and rejuvenating day with friends: Sunday I spent a day playing with paper, laughing with  friends, and eating AMAZING food (which I will pay for dearly at my weigh in).  Joe spent the day with Taelin (they went swimming at the Kroc Center) and it was so nice to be able to enjoy a carefree day even if it resulted in a huge list today.  

One of my favorite quotes: "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, and stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie.

spurious: counterfeit, fake

Sometimes things are not what they seem.  Sometimes people are not what they seem.  I know this is true for probably everyone in some capacity, but I would like to think that part of what I am working on all the time is to be as real and genuine as I can.  I know my faults, there are a lot of them, and I am sure that I have friends that could list a few of them off without much prompting. 

That being said, I try really hard to not portray myself in one way with some people and a completely different way with other people.  Clearly I am going to be more comfortable to open up and be myself around some people more than others, but I still try to represent who I am in an honest way.  

Most of the time, it is a minor irritation to find out that someone is a bit spurious.  For me, I call into question how much I can really trust someone and then I act accordingly; perhaps even distance myself from such behavior because I find it annoying.  It is rare that I would feel anger or sadness, but this week I did and I am not really sure what to do with it.  Probably nothing except for what I have done in the past; protect myself a little more when interacting with the person and limit my contact.  

Even now I am not really even anger about it, mostly just irritated and sadden by the situation.  I guess I just need to let it go.  Perhaps I need to look at the situation as a reminder for me that I need to continue to work on being honest, real and genuine; with others and myself.

The "rules" regarding Santa....

Taelin was ready to go trick or treating again a couple of days after Halloween.  It has been a little tough trying to explain that we only get dressed up in our costumes once a year to go begging for candy. (We wear Halloween costumes year-round in this house, but the begging for candy thing only happens once a year.)  Her requests have become a little more urgent as she is seeing her bag of candy loot becoming more empty as the days pass.  And as I try to reassure her that there will be trick or treating again in her life but just not for awhile, I hadn't really considered how tough it was going to be to explain some of these things that we just "know" about.

My prior post shows that I definitely have Christmas on the brain, but I was not planning on talking about anything Christmas-like with Taelin until it was a little closer.   My plan was thwarted, however, by any retail store who has already set up their Christmas displays and by her daycare/preschool who is having a Christmas concert on December 14th.  It will be cute as heck and I am looking forward to it BUT that means that pretty much the day after Halloween they started practicing Christmas songs.

The song that she has been singing the most isn't one I have heard before.  It is to the tune of "Where is Thumbkin?" and it is as follows:

Where is Santa?
No more peeking.
Or I'll tell...
Or I'll tell...
Santa Claus is coming,
Santa Claus is coming.
Hear his bells.
Hear his bells.     
(And yes, in case you were wondering, I had to sing it to make sure that I got the lyrics correct.)

The singing of this song has led to some questions that I was not quite ready for.  Actually, the initial questions I was ready for...it was the follow up ones that are giving me some trouble.

The answer to "Why is Santa coming?" was pretty easy.  Santa comes to the houses of people that are kind and are good listeners. (Can you tell what we might be working on right now in the Crowe house?)  He comes to bring them toys.  (HUGE eyes while processing that tidbit of information that resulted in a big smile.)

Follow up question: "What will he bring me?"  Here is where I made my amateur mistake.  Parents of multiple children will roll their eyes when they read my reply..."Well, you can ask Santa for something and then, if you are kind and a good listener, he will bring it to you on Christmas Eve."  Her response,  "Really?"

At this point, I tried to back pedal but it was too late.  I tried to talk about how it is usually something really special and that sometimes Santa brings it and sometimes he doesn't but to be honest she wasn't really interested in the details.  And the whole understanding of time thing? Not so much.

So far, just today after lunch but before nap time, she has decided that Santa is going to bring her: more milk, sticky tape to fix her broken paper scarecrow, more trick or treating (good problem solving to be honest), some art projects, little circle crackers, and another Dora the Explorer episode.  My response to all of those "Well, maybe, but not until Christmas."  Actually, to the trick or treating one I said, "We don't wear costumes for Christmas, just Halloween." My 2 1/2 year old daughter's response, "Santa wears a red costume and a hat." Um.....crap.

Clearly, I am stumped.  I already felt a little guilty about the whole "Santa brings toys to kind people and good listeners." thing and now I have no idea how to explain the rest of it.  I know that Christmas is not just about Santa and when we get to the birds and bees conversations, this is going to seem like a breeze BUT I have never thought about how complicated this whole thing is!

I guess I will figure it out as we go and be lucky enough that she is still 2 and won't necessarily remember every conversation we have about Santa and Christmas.  There is a spirit of Christmas that is really hard to explain to a 2 year old and to be honest, when you are two would be pretty much impossible to really understand.

It makes me realize, once again, how amazing it is going to be to experience another part of life through Taelin's eyes.  And it reminds me how incredibly lucky I am.  And it reminds me that Peg Bracken had it right when she said that "Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."  What a great reminder for me as I am self-imposing Christmas expectations already.  I guess Santa does come before Christmas after all....

December Daily 2011

There was a Christmas, not so many years ago, that Joe and I pretty much faked our way through.  We barely got a tree up in time and while we exchanged presents, I would say there wasn't much Christmas spirit going around.  We were at a definite low point in trying to get pregnant and Christmas just seemed like a holiday we wanted to skip.  I wish I could go back and talk to that "me" but it probably wouldn't do much good...I am a tad stubborn.

Last year was really the first year that we could celebrate with Taelin kind of knowing what was going on and I was determined to make the most of every moment.  I got a kit to decorate 25 envelopes to make an Advent event calendar of sorts.  In each envelope I listed an activity that we could do together.  We visited Santa, read Christmas stories, listened to Christmas music, donated food, make gingerbread houses...on and on.  My original goal was to take a picture each day to record what we did but it just didn't happen.  

I think it was Ali Edwards that first came up with the idea of December Daily.  The idea of building a scrapbook before December hits so that you can record the little wonders that happen in the month.  It is a way to help us not rush through the month without realizing all that they holiday season means to each of us.  I purposely put this on my list so that I was forced to do this...and I am so glad I did.  Time seems to be going so quickly lately and I am really hoping that being mindful of this all will help slow it down, at least a little.

So, I dug through the supplies I had and was able to finish (as much as I could) my December Daily 2011 album.  And...here it is!

It is a 6 x 12 chipboard album.  I used the Nordic Holiday line of paper from Basic Grey to cover the chipboard.  I inked and sanded all the edges and bound it together with a binder clip (which you can't really see because I covered it in ribbon).  I still need to get another ring for the binding.  

In this picture you can see that I have numbers cut out for the days and journaling blocks to record the stories.  I have more embellishments like ribbon and bling that I don't have pictured here (it would be really hard to get it all in one picture...and I am not sure I want to out myself about my bad habit of collecting scrapbooking supplies).  I have a fairly complete list on my Google calendar dedicated to activities for December.  Some of them are the same as last year and there are some new ones too. (I have another project up my sleeve for the reveal of each of those throughout December.)  Technically, all I need to do is carry my camera (or my phone) with me so I can capture this holiday season.

It may seem a little silly that I am putting so much into all of this right now when everything else is so crazy, but honestly it is helping me remember that all this craziness will pass. I can not wait!

maelstrom: a restless, disordered, or tumultuous state of affairs

The maelstrom of the kitchen remodel along with less people than usual for trick or treating has lead to too much chocolate consumption on my part.  I need to start running again this week if I can stay awake long enough to do it.

Kitchen remodel so far....

There is no doubt at the moment that we are in the middle of a kitchen remodel.  There is dust everywhere, it smells of paint and things are looking very different.  Tomorrow the cabinets are coming and will be installed.  Here are just a few pictures..... 

This is where the stove/oven used to be...and where the sink and dishwasher is going to be.  It was the first sign of the new replacing the old!  This was actually taken last week and already looks different at this point. You can see pictures further down to see the wall complete.

Some of you that have been to my house might recognize this as the spot where small children and animals could get their heads or even entire bodies stuff between the wooden slats.  No more...a half wall replaces it and a matching slab of granite counter top will be across the top.

Here is a picture from the family room that looking over the half wall into the kitchen.  You can see the finished product of the above picture where the dishwasher and sink will go.  A one foot slab of granite will go across there as well...and will be used to hold the plates of goodies that we have the party we are going to have once this whole thing gets done!

See that wire coming from the wall?  That is where my microwave will be that will be above the stove and oven.  Off to the left will be cabinets above and below.  There used to be really long useless windows there that have been since covered up.  The white color you see is pretty much going to be the color it is...is it technically "white truffle" but the cabinets and floor are going to be so dark I wanted something that would lighten the rest of the room.

There used to be a wood stove right here.  We had discussed the possibility of maybe thinking about removing it.  We asked for a quote.  Joe came home and the stove was gone.  I guess that takes care of that!  So our kitchen remodel has turned into a kitchen/dining room/family room remodel...but that is way too long to say and type on a consistent basis.  The carpet will be pulled up at some point and replaced with wood flooring that will be much easier to clean.

Samuel Butler apparently said, "Life is a long process of getting tired."  

All I have to say about that is that I am REALLY living right now.